An extra concert ticket

Who doesn't like the Police? I'm not referring to the Man--those guys in blue who take you in for murdering your neighbor by painstakingly running him through a meat grinder and don't believe you when you tell the cops that you were merely acting in self defense.

No, I'm referring to the band. This is the music that in no way foreshadowed what a wuss Sting would wind up becoming. Anyway, my friend backed out on going, and I've got an extra ticket for the concert. It's at W. F. this Thursday evening. The seats are in the upper deck, but who cares where you're sitting? It's the Police on a beautiful summer night in W F. The ticket costs $54. If you're interested, please let me know as soon as possible (so I can try to find somebody tomorrow to take the ticket if nobody here wants it).

Rock on,

Dude

seminar speaker schedule begging

That's right. I'm begging. Won't they please release the short-lived TV series "Manimal" on DVD?
Also, won't you please sign up to meet with N.F.? The main slot I need filled is from 10:30 to 11 a.m. next Monday. But it would be groovy if folks also volunteered to meet with N. "Hi diddly ho, Neighbor" F.from 11 to 11:30 or 11:30 to noon next Tuesday. The first three people who write me to take those slots will get to see me recreate my favorite scenes from "Manimal."

F. schedule

There may be some confusion involving N. F.'s schedule for next Monday and Tuesday. On one hand, many folks want to meet with him. On the other hand, I'd like to send him to a rural area and have him hang out with hobos who will sell his clothing for wine change.
Actually, I was told there was only one slot left to fill, but I see four slots open on the schedule. So I'm going to assume the schedule is correct and am looking for folks to fill those slots. If you already have claimed one of these slots, please let me know so I can put your name down on the official schedule.

chalkboard

The one thing I remember most about grade school was the sound of chalk on the blackboard. Well, actually the main thing I remember was the smell of cheap perfume, ripple, and stale cigarette smoke that engulfed me every day in first grade. But what do you expect? I was 7 and couldn't afford expensive perfume.

Anyway, if you'd like to relive your youth by playing with a chalkboard, we have an old one we're trying to get rid of. Perhaps you've seen it in the Z. 1st floor vestibule leading to the basement stairs. If you'd like it, please let me know. Otherwise we'll have to toss it because the fire inspector said we can't keep the chalkboard there any more.

global warming close-up

Word on the street is that the chiller on the roof feeing the Z. Building is down, so it might get a little stuffy in the building. Facilities is working on the problem, but they don't know how long it will take to fix the bugger. I say let it get sweltering in here. Let people beg for water! Then I won't seem so freaky when I engage in my hobby of chugging milk jugs filled with vole saliva. Speaking of which, does anybody have about 46,000 voles they can spare?

LCD projector

I remember fondly being a little boy. My mom would sit me in her lap, smile at me and say, "Your real parents hate you. They sold you to me for wine change. Now give your new mommy a hug and wax my back."

What I don't remember is who has the remote control for the LCD projector. But if you do use the remote control after the office closes, could you please leave the control in the Lillie Room in case somebody needs it the first thing the next morning? If you don't, it will be YOUR turn to wax my mommy's back. And her back makes Teen Wolf look like Yul Brenner.

Fwd: WGE: Tuesday at 4:30

Here's some fascinating reading. No, it's not porn. I'll be sending that later...

FW: Safety Training Announcement - Spring Quarter

Not sure if you dudes got this e-mail or not, but the university is cracking down on compliance for this sort of thing. So unless you want them to break out the car battery and jumper cables on you, you may want to attend any relevant training.

I am the law here! Do not question my authority!

Ha! In the past you all used to tease me and yell cruel comments like, "Why don't you taunt ANOTHER goat," and "When you bend down to tie your shoes I can see the gerbil's tail!" And do you know why those comments are cruel? Because the truth hurts.

But now the goat is on the other foot, and I have the power to approve or reject all of your purchase order requests on grants. And you shall pay. Oh, yes. You shall pay!

But first you need to put me down as your primary approver on XXX (unfortunately you'll have to switch back and forth if you're buying stuff on grants and other accounts since Julie is approving all non-5 account orders). Wanna know how to do it? It's easy. Just go to your XXX home page and click on "Profile" in the upper right hand corner.

Next, click on "P.," which is to the right of "U.." Then click on "F.," which is to the right of "C." If I'm not listed as an approver, click "A." Type in "W." in the last name box and click search. Click the circle under "Select" to the left of my name and then click "Choose selected user." Finally, to the right of my name, click on the "P" circle, and magically I will be your main approver. It's that easy. If you have any questions, let me know. But give me a minute to tuck in the gerbil tail before I respond.

T. S. visit

There are still openings on T S's schedule for next Monday. And I still need somebody to take him to lunch. And I still need somebody to tell my sister to stop looking at me. She's looking at me! Tell her to stop!