tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-211068782024-03-13T11:40:56.304-05:00Depart-Mental AnnouncementsA compendium of emails received from our department secretary. Not for the faint of heart. Or the humorless.<br><br>
Please note: all of these emails are real. They have been edited only to remove identifying information. If you find any offensive, take it up with his dudeness.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13822247556770857255noreply@blogger.comBlogger189125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-7945963104860031552014-04-28T16:08:00.002-05:002014-04-28T16:08:42.477-05:00Unexpected time off<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Greetings, —<u></u><u></u></div>
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Well, it looks like I’ll be taking some unexpected time off. It turns out I guess you CAN’T legally pull into a small town on a horse-drawn buggy and sell a rheumatism elixir made up of Gatorade, drain cleaner, and angel dust.<u></u><u></u></div>
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The first five people who respond to this e-mail will get some of my rheumatiz medicine!<u></u><u></u></div>
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Cheers,</div>
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Dude</div>
Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-81064803208058722262014-04-14T10:59:00.003-05:002014-04-14T10:59:27.522-05:00I'm southbound<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Greetings —<u></u><u></u></div>
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It’s time again for my annual trip to visit my mom in Florida, and I’m planning on chilling out big-time. Which brings up a question:<u></u><u></u></div>
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If I get skin cancer from soaking up too much sun while really relaxing by the pool, would it be called a mellownoma?</div>
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Your own little ray of sunstroke,</div>
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Dude</div>
Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-24913156530271259872014-02-19T12:35:00.004-06:002014-02-19T12:35:29.048-06:00Beware of falling ice!<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Hi, fellow haters of this crazy winter—<u></u><u></u></div>
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I just found out that a student who was walking nearby was injured very recently today by a big chunk of ice that fell from a roof or ledge. Please be mindful when walking near buildings on campus since it’s possible that the warmer weather could loosen up snow and ice that could then fall and bust you open but good.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Hoping the dangerous threats perish from icicle cell anemia,</div>
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Dude</div>
Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-38239895186905796212013-10-22T16:05:00.004-05:002013-10-22T16:05:48.483-05:00Holiday Bash<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Greetings, holiday revelers—<u></u><u></u></div>
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Sure, it may not even be Halloween yet. But that doesn’t mean I can’t take a break from making my costume (I’ll be dressing up as someone who doesn’t celebrate Halloween, providing the concept doesn’t blow my own mind) to let you know that you should save the date for this year’s holiday party. </div>
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Party on,</div>
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Dude</div>
Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-53175664456539017992013-10-22T14:13:00.002-05:002013-10-22T14:13:37.981-05:00On the road again<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Hi, everybody—<u></u><u></u></div>
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I love when my annual autumn trip to visit my mom happens in the same month as Halloween. This year I plan on spending my entire vacation walking around in my mom’s retirement facility while wearing my Grim Reaper costume.<u></u><u></u></div>
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I will be scaring the bajeezus out of my mom’s friends starting ...<u></u><u></u></div>
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Boo,</div>
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Dude</div>
Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-58493657453101399352013-08-06T13:35:00.003-05:002013-08-06T13:35:44.782-05:00Time to get away<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Hi, everybody—<u></u><u></u></div>
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Well, <span class="aBn" data-term="goog_2084548418" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; position: relative; top: -2px; z-index: 0;" tabindex="0"><span class="aQJ" style="position: relative; top: 2px; z-index: -1;">on Thursday</span></span> I will begin a life-long dream: to sleep in a McDonald’s dumpster in every state of this great nation of ours. Ah, even now I can feel the comfort of lying on a pillow of half-eaten Quarter Pounders while snuggling under a blanket of hungry rats!<u></u><u></u></div>
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All of which is to say that I will be out of the office starting <span class="aBn" data-term="goog_2084548419" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; position: relative; top: -2px; z-index: 0;" tabindex="0"><span class="aQJ" style="position: relative; top: 2px; z-index: -1;">Thursday</span></span>.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Bon appetit and good night,</div>
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- Dude</div>
Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-76741473671881771022013-06-26T15:17:00.002-05:002013-06-26T15:17:17.403-05:00Baseball game<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
Greetings, baseballmongers—<u></u><u></u></div>
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Sorry for slacking on organizing the proposed baseball outing, but I was very busy doing volunteer work. Some patients inside insane asylums can’t burn ants using magnifying glasses because they are in straightjackets. That’s where volunteers like me come in.</div>
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Ready to be knocked silly with a home run ball,</div>
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Dude</div>
Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-77140106756785749172013-06-14T14:45:00.002-05:002013-06-14T14:45:20.833-05:00A wee break<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
Greetings—<u></u><u></u></div>
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Sometimes when life gets a little too stressful, I do what most people do—curl up in a fetal position in a giant Hefty bag filled with cow placenta. But since I’m not quite that stressed, I will just be taking a few days off.<u></u></div>
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Feeling udderly ridiculous,</div>
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Dude</div>
Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-26720720015907561752013-05-13T17:17:00.000-05:002013-05-13T17:17:00.214-05:00Darn that post office!<br />
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Hello, <u></u></div>
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I went to the post office today and saw a sign saying that the facility was going to close permanently soon. And oddly enough it was closed today with a sign that said there was an emergency suspension. It may have been because of the wheelbarrow filled with ricin I was trying to cart into the facility.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Sorry for the inconvenience. Though it is fitting that I’m using e-mail, which is probably part of the cause of the Post Office’s fiscal woes, to let you know that the local post office is closing. Oh, irony, you are a cruel, cold mistress!<u></u><u></u></div>
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Cheers,</div>
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Dude</div>
Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-31169920712026974262013-04-29T14:30:00.002-05:002013-04-29T14:30:18.187-05:00Game<br />
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Hi, everybody—<u></u><u></u></div>
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Now that summer is right around the corner, people’s thoughts are turning to fun outdoor festivities. And nothing screams outdoor festivities quite as much as eating raw bacon that has been sitting in a sweltering McDonald’s dumpster for 3 days. After hallucinating from eating too much gammy bacon, the thought arose, “Hey, let’s see if folks want to attend a baseball game.</div>
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[...]</div>
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Cheers,</div>
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Dude</div>
Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-38248075399949233802013-04-11T17:15:00.000-05:002013-04-11T17:15:06.517-05:00I'm off. But enough about my mental state...<br />
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Greetings, y’all—<u></u><u></u></div>
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I wanted to let you know that I will be away for a vacation to Florida starting next Tuesday. So if you have any pressing matters, please let me know tomorrow so I can try to take care of everything before I head out.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to figure out the best alcohol choice for my mom to drink before I take her for her first tattoo. I think I’ll go with her favorite—rubbing alcohol and Fresca.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Cheers,</div>
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Dude</div>
Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-2272129819777179672012-12-19T11:22:00.004-06:002012-12-19T11:22:54.976-06:00Thanks!<br />
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Ho ho ho, everybody—<u></u><u></u></div>
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People often go above and beyond the call of duty around the holidays. For example, against my better judgment I decided to make my insane Uncle Zed’s wish for a snuff film come true. Unfortunately I didn’t have my reading glasses on when I ordered the DVD, so I wound up buying him “The Smurfs” film. In my defense, there were a bunch of blue bodies on the cover and I thought they were stiffs.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Anyway, thanks to everybody who went above and beyond the call of duty in contributing money for the Cleaning Crew's Christmas gifts. They were both extremely appreciative and gave their thanks to everybody. So thank you all again for your generosity. I know you made Christmas much merrier for them.<u></u><u></u></div>
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Smurfishly,<u></u><u></u></div>
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Dude</div>
Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-39109542537722240372012-11-30T15:26:00.002-06:002012-11-30T15:26:50.273-06:00Coolers needed<br />
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Hi, everybody—<u></u><u></u></div>
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Boy, do we need coolers. And not to try to dispose of some of Drew Peterson’s Christmas elves. Nope, the coolers are needed to keep our fluids frigid at next the holiday party. If you could lend a cooler for the party, I’d really appreciate it. </div>
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Chillin’ like a villain,</div>
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Dude</div>
Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-86765389250061373412012-11-30T13:58:00.002-06:002012-11-30T13:58:47.477-06:00Cash for the cleaning folks<br />
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Greetings, Building dwellers—<u></u><u></u></div>
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It’s almost December, which can only mean one thing: it’s time for my celebration of Use Deodorant for the First Time This Year Day. And since I will be less foul than normal, people should be okay with coming to my office to cough up some cash for our cleaning lady and our floor-cleaning dude. So if you are so inclined, please give what you want to help make the holidays a little brighter for them.<u></u></div>
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Ready to hit the dollar store for some Dead Vole ™ Antiperspirant,<u></u><u></u></div>
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Dude</div>
Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-86675118288667278852012-10-23T13:17:00.002-05:002012-10-23T13:17:11.994-05:00I'm free!<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Greetings, y'all--</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">This morning I couldn't stop thinking about all of the times my mother told me I wouldn't amount to anything in this life. And finally I thought, "If I hadn't had my phone shut off because I spent all of my bill money on cheap vodka and Fresca, I'd call her up and give her a piece of my mind!"</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Luckily I will be flying down to Florida, so I can tell my mom face to face that while my liver may be a loser, I'm a winner! I'll be gone starting tomorrow and returning on Halloween (also known as Bloody Cranial Protrusion Day). So if you have any pressing matters, please let me know today so I can try to take care of your issues today.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Bon voyage,</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Dude</span>Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-54131513504842505132012-10-04T11:37:00.006-05:002012-10-04T11:37:52.060-05:00Funding<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Howdy, Studes--</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Who doesn't love getting funding? I, for one, get lots of funding by harvesting organs from people I accidentally knock out with ether. By the way, if you notice a weird smell in the room during the weekly coffee break, ignore it.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Anyway, if you could let me know if you're going to submit for funding, I'd be much obliged.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Thanks,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Dude</span>Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-15762594484264176332012-09-27T13:40:00.002-05:002012-09-27T13:40:59.003-05:00Consulting Service<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Howdy, everybody--</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I was asked to forward this consulting program announcement from the Dept. of Statistics. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I also have a consulting program, so if you need to know how to grill hobo steaks in a way that gets rid of the scent of cheap booze and mattresses that have been tucked under expressway overpasses, I'm your guy.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Cheers,</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Dude</span>Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-45723236730646870602012-08-16T09:45:00.001-05:002012-08-16T09:45:15.393-05:00Well I'm southbound<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Howdy, y'all--</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Just wanted to let everybody know that I'll be gone starting tomorrow. Amazingly I will not be going to Florida to visit my mother. Instead I'll be driving to North Carolina to see if I can experience my own version of "Deliverance." Only my version is going to be even more creepy because the freaky-looking hillbilly dude is going to be playing a theramin instead of a banjo. Now all I need to do is find a place that sells Ned Beatty masks and I'm good to go.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Ready to fuse "Dueling Banjos" with "Good Vibrations,"</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Dude</span>Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-75406526156979741962012-07-19T09:57:00.000-05:002012-07-19T09:57:00.132-05:00Coffee break down! Repeat, coffee break down!<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Greetings, caffeine fiends--</span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">What's better than free coffee? For starters, I'd say watching the reaction of my grandparents when I sneak into their bedroom with a boombox at 3 a.m. and crank a Yoko One CD. Oddly enough, Nana's shrieks sound more melodious than Yoko's.</span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">What else is better than free coffee is having two grad students graduate. Since the P lab is having a reception for Citizen A and Citizen B, we will not be having the regular coffee break today.</span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Good luck, Citizen A, Citizen B, and Nana (providing your heart has started again)!</span><br style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Cheers,</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Dude</span>Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-39762697389720393232012-06-05T10:09:00.005-05:002012-06-05T10:09:52.272-05:00key deposits<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Hi, Building Access Lovers--</span><br style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">As the old saying goes, sometimes it takes one bad egg to make Uncle Milt turn the breakfast table into a gastrointestinal Jackson Pollock painting.</span><br style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Unfortunately a few bad eggs have also prompted us to bring back charging deposits for keys. Several folks have stopped working here and have not returned their keys. So we're getting all financially medieval on folks and will now be charging a $20 deposit for each key that we hand out.</span><br style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Ready to eat a slightly jerky egg omelet,</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">- Dude</span>Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-45351862939158035362012-04-10T13:17:00.000-05:002012-04-10T13:18:09.188-05:00I am so out of here!<span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); ">Greetings, everybody--</span><br style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); "><br style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); "><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); ">As most of you know, I always do the same thing every spring. I'm referring, of course, to my continued attemp to convince the TV networks to make a Saturday morning cartoon based on "Apocalypse Now."</span><br style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); "><br style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); "><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); ">I will be contacting the TV networks while I am in Florida visiting my mom. So if you need me to take care of something for you before I head out, please let me know today or tomorrow.</span><br style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); "><br style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); "><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); ">The horror! The horror!</span><div><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); "><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); ">- Dude</span></div>Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-23770622979916133952012-01-12T17:28:00.001-06:002012-01-12T17:28:36.401-06:00Liquid Nitrogen<span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); ">Good day to you, science entities--</span><br style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); "><br style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); "><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); ">Does anybody know if there's a place on campus to obtain smaller amounts of liquid nitrogen? If you could let me know where liquid nitrogen can be purchased, that would be awesome for everybody except the person who I plan to inject the liquid nitrogen into. At long last I will be able to inherit Uncle Filbert's ant farm!</span><br style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); "><br style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); "><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); ">Thanks,</span><div><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); "><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); ">Dude</span></div>Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-8254523774350723122011-12-29T10:02:00.001-06:002011-12-29T10:03:35.437-06:00Contract work<span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); ">Greetings, lab work dudes--</span><br style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); "><br style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); "><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); ">Occasionally labs may need to have work done that requires a contract ... and contracts need to be signed before any work is done. The school's new policy is that violators will have live cockroaches placed in their mouths and then have their lips sewn shut. I, for one, plan on violating the policy immediately!</span><br style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); "><br style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); "><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); ">Please let me know if you have any questions.</span><br style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); "><br style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); "><span style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); ">Cheers,</span><br style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); "><br style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); "><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span >Dude</span></div>Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-38220766059111525812011-11-18T13:05:00.000-06:002011-11-18T13:06:49.393-06:00Going cold turkey on Thanksgiving...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); ">Hola, dudes--</span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); ">You're probably asking yourself, "Hey, Dude. What are you thankful for?" I'm thankful for my family and friends. I'm thankful for my health. I'm thankful that I've reached an age where I'm starting to sprout ear hair. I'm thankful that a flash mob hasn't Crazy Glued a set of fake udders to my stomach. I'm thankful that the FDA is finally considering adding fingernails as one of the basic food groups.</span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); ">But mostly I am thankful that I'll get to avoid the reality of chilly weather by going south to spend Thanksgiving with my mom. I'll be off starting next Wednesday, and I will be back to work on the next Wednesday. </span><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); ">Thankfully ending this e-mail,</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); "><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(34, 34, 34); font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.917969); ">Dude</span></div>Polish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21106878.post-6275055207323575132011-07-07T13:03:00.000-05:002011-07-07T13:04:20.385-05:00Gone yet againGuten morgen, dudes--<br /><br />At long last July is here, which can mean only one thing: it's palmetto bug hunting season! Sure, it's hard to actually afix the tag to the palmetto bug's leg after I have slain an insect. And it's even harder to find a taxidermist insane enough to mount a palmetto bug head on a little plaque. And it's even harder still to find a nail small enough to use to attach the palmetto bug head plaque on my den wall. But all of these hardships are worth it when I can appreciate my quarry, kill it, mount its head on my wall, and grill up some palmetto bug fillets for family and friends.<br /><br />I will be traveling to Florida for my big hunt. If you have something pressing you need done before I go, please let me know as soon as you can.<br /><br />Be vewwy quiet, I'm hunting wascally woaches,<br /><br />Dude FuddPolish Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00116650815661041517noreply@blogger.com0