Tuesday, January 24, 2006


Maybe it's the dyslexia. Or maybe it's the gallon of two-month-old milk I chugged for breakfast this morning. Whatever the cause, I had a typo in my last e-mail about the seminar. It actually will be on Jan. 30, and not on Jan. 39.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Lunch with Speaker

Well, the lunch menu survey was a tie, so that means I'm going to cast the deciding vote. And that's why I choose a bloated yak stuffed with lab mouse tumors. For desert, a simple goiter pudding topped with chest hair should do the trick.

Actually there were only a few votes, and pizza won out.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Fwd: Safety Training Announcement - Winter Quarter

Here's info on various safety training classes being offered this quarter. I would suggest you register on-line while putting a fork in an electric outlet, licking old asbestos pipe insulation, staring directly into the sun, setting up a dinner date with Robert Blake, giving yourself a mercury enema, and agreeing to donate both of your kidneys on a bet that Ryan Seacrest has an IQ higher than a bowl of wolverine saliva.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

If I'm not in the office next Monday, Jan. 16, it won't be because I'm drunk and passed out in a McDonald's dumpster. Oh, I'll definitely be drunk and passed out in a McDonald's dumpster, but the reason I won't be at work is because the University is officially closed Jan. 16 in honor of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. This is the first year the University will be closing for this holiday.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006


If anybody is looking for some extra cash, there's an easier way to do it than how I do it. AND you won't have to spend hours and hours in the men's room at the Greyhound station. Check out the info below..