Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Speaker is lonely

The speaker's schedule is filled with more holes than Dick Cheney's hunting partner, and only you can help.  I'm still trying to make the schedule look respectable, which is why I need people to meet with him during the following times:

Lord knows I don't have much dignity, but don't let me lose any more (that's the job of my mother, who insists on making me shave her back hair whenever I visit her).  I'm begging you--please volunteer to meet with this dude of science.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006


There have been complaints that someone has been smoking in the fourth floor hallway. I know I'm not at fault because when I drag winos up there, I douse them with enough flammable substances so they burn clean.

If by some chance you are smoking inside the building, please go outside to light your squares. Because smoking inside is naughty and morally reprehensible. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to round up a few winos...

Thursday, May 04, 2006

computer monitor in the basement hall

A computer monitor has been sitting on a fridge in the basement hallway for awhile, staring at me.  Taunting me!  With that stupid, cold, blank stare!  Damn that monitor!  Damn it to hell!

Anyway, just wondering if it's junk and can be thrown away or if somebody was just storing it there for some reason.