Monday, October 27, 2008

I'm baaack

Greetings all--

Well, I have returned from Florida. Things did not go as planned. I had hoped to find a geriatric sugar momma to take care of me, and I thought I had found a nice, kinky one. But when I told her I couldn't find a store that sold black leather Depends, she threw me to the curb. And broke her hip in the process.

Anywho, I'm back to work, so come on by if you need me to take care of any chores that have built up in the last week.



Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Temporarily blowing this popsickle stand

Ah, autumn. It's one of my favorite seasons. And perhaps my favorite part of fall is walking around on a crisp day and smelling the soothing scent of burning leaves mixed with the aroma of roasting tumors that have been removed from my lungs as a result of breathing in so much burning leaf smoke. And you haven't tasted a slice of heaven until you've tried one of my tumor smores. Not to blow my own horn--which I can't do anymore because so much of my lungs has been surgically removed--but I don't know anybody who can melt tumors perfectly like I can. Delish!

Autumn is also the time when I visit my mom in Florida so I can hear her complain yet again about why I haven't given her any grandchildren. Which is a lie, because I've given her plenty of grandchildren. They just weren't MY children. A little candy and a rag-ful of ether is all you need to give your mom all of the young'uns she can handle. I will be away from work Oct. 17 and will return to work on Oct. 27. So if you have any pressing issues you would like me to address, please let me know as soon as you can.

Adios, dudes,


Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Fwd: Fwd: Wksp on the Global Env, Wednesday, 4:30

At long last, here's an e-mail that answers the question, "Why was Dude hanging out in a school yard while wearing only a g-string made of live cockroaches?"

Okay, nothing can answer that question, except maybe my therapist. And the guy that sells me cockroaches. But you may find this e-mail of interest.