Wednesday, November 28, 2007

He gone!

Various and sundry dudes--

If you come by looking for me tomorrow or Friday, Nov. 29-30, you won't find me. Oh, I'll be in my office. I just will be hiding under my desk trying to teach cockroaches how to reenact "Braveheart." Surprisingly, it hasn't been too hard teaching them to use those little swords and shields. It's trying to find horses small enough for them to impale that has me stumped.

Actually, I'll be visiting some family out of state. But I'll be back next Monday.



Christmas gifts

Hey, everybody,

Well, Christmas is here, which can mean only one thing. It's time for my grandmother to make some fruitcake Depends for my grandfather. The structural integrity of Gram's fruitcake has been shoddy the last few years, though, so that means Gramps will have to go easy on the egg nog and crystal meth this Christmas.

It's also time to start collecting money to give to C, our cleaning lady, and J, the evening floor-cleaning dude. I was thinking of giving them their cards on Friday, Dec. 14. So if you'd like to give some money to make C's and J's holidays a little merrier, please bring your cash to me by the morning of Dec. 14. Remember, it would be much better to give these folks money than my grandmother's fruitcake.



Tuesday, November 20, 2007

coffee pot

It is with great sadness that I must report one of our coffee pots is missing. This pot is more than just a container of coffee to me. It is my friend, confidant, and, yes, lover.

If you have seen the wee silver coffee pot, it would be groovy if you could let Dwight know so that we'll have it for next Monday's post-seminar social.

Stunned and hopeless,


Sunday, November 18, 2007

Reimbursement requirement

Howdy, folks--

I just found out something about getting reimbursed for meals. If you take a zombie to lunch, human brains are not reimbursable. Yet oddly enough, entrails are. Go figure.

Actually, the comptroller's office is now requiring people to submit itemized receipts for meals. Usually you get a receipt that lists all the food ordered, and then you'll get just a receipt with the dollar amount if you pay with a credit card. From now on you'd need to turn in both the itemized receipt and the receipt that shows you paid for the meal.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

job search lunches

Hey, I have a question. How come you never hear about incestual necrophiliacs?

I have another questions. Has there been enough food for you folks at the faculty search luncheons? Should we be ordering more food for these lunches.


Sunday, November 04, 2007

Coffee Break

Hey, coffee lovers!

We have a special treat for you today. We will be serving coffee in the hollowed-out carcasses of dead voles.

Actually, there's already coffee and snacks up in the L Room, so if you want to start socializing a bit early, you can head to the room now and begin coffee breaking.