Monday, October 25, 2010


Hi, Studes--

Do you know what I love most about attending science workshops? I'd have to say it's that moment right after I hand out the pork fat necklaces and right before I lock the doors and release the rabid pit bulls. Either that or it's the free bottled water.

Anyhow, you can find out what YOU love the most about attending science workshops if you go to the one in this forwarded e-mail.



Saturday, October 23, 2010


Greetings, Studes--

When you see the attached e-mail with the name Brian Wilson in it, I'm sure you'll think of one thing: Why am I getting an e-mail from that weird guy who lances boils into ice cream cones? Man, you just need to let that whole ice cream cone thing go. After all, the driving creative force behind the Beach Boys forgave the boil lancer years ago. Anyway, whichever Brian Wilson you're thinking of, enjoy the e-mail...

Tuesday, October 19, 2010



Well, it was a weird trip to Florida. I got a severe sunburn which led to the growth of a weird mole that looks exactly like an M.C. Escher illustration. This could cause a problem because I'm confident a dermatologist wouldn't know where the mole starts and where it ends. Yet I can't stop staring at it. Damn you, Escher mole!

But I digress. Here's another e-mail about an environment workshop.

Suffering from an eschernoma,


Friday, October 08, 2010

Hurricanes, here I come

Greetings, y'all--

Well, October is here, which means one very important thing--it's time for my weird Uncle Ronnie to dress his scalp cysts in little Elvis Presley jumpsuit costumes for Halloween.

On a less important level, October is also going to bring my annual autumnal trip to Florida to visit my mother so she can yell at me about my hair length and question me about when I'm going to get married and give her grandchildren.

A hunk-a, hunk-a burning cyst,