Tuesday, October 23, 2012

I'm free!

Greetings, y'all--

This morning I couldn't stop thinking about all of the times my mother told me I wouldn't amount to anything in this life.  And finally I thought, "If I hadn't had my phone shut off because I spent all of my bill money on cheap vodka and Fresca, I'd call her up and give her a piece of my mind!"

Luckily I will be flying down to Florida, so I can tell my mom face to face that while my liver may be a loser, I'm a winner!  I'll be gone starting tomorrow and returning on Halloween (also known as Bloody Cranial Protrusion Day).  So if you have any pressing matters, please let me know today so I can try to take care of your issues today.

Bon voyage,


Thursday, October 04, 2012


Howdy, Studes--

Who doesn't love getting funding?  I, for one, get lots of funding by harvesting organs from people I accidentally knock out with ether.  By the way, if you notice a weird smell in the room during the weekly coffee break, ignore it.

Anyway, if you could let me know if you're going to submit for funding, I'd be much obliged.