Greetings, y'all--
This morning I couldn't stop thinking about all of the times my mother told me I wouldn't amount to anything in this life. And finally I thought, "If I hadn't had my phone shut off because I spent all of my bill money on cheap vodka and Fresca, I'd call her up and give her a piece of my mind!"
Luckily I will be flying down to Florida, so I can tell my mom face to face that while my liver may be a loser, I'm a winner! I'll be gone starting tomorrow and returning on Halloween (also known as Bloody Cranial Protrusion Day). So if you have any pressing matters, please let me know today so I can try to take care of your issues today.
Bon voyage,
Dude
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A compendium of emails received from our department secretary. Not for the faint of heart. Or the humorless.
Please note: all of these emails are real. They have been edited only to remove identifying information. If you find any offensive, take it up with his dudeness.
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