Monday, April 28, 2014

Unexpected time off

Greetings, —

Well, it looks like I’ll be taking some unexpected time off.  It turns out I guess you CAN’T legally pull into  a small town on a horse-drawn buggy and sell a rheumatism elixir made up of Gatorade, drain cleaner, and angel dust.

The first five people who respond to this e-mail will get some of my rheumatiz medicine!



Monday, April 14, 2014

I'm southbound

Greetings —

It’s time again for my annual trip to visit my mom in Florida, and I’m planning on chilling out big-time.  Which brings up a question:

If I get skin cancer from soaking up too much sun while really relaxing by the pool, would it be called a mellownoma?

Your own little ray of sunstroke,


Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Beware of falling ice!

Hi, fellow haters of this crazy winter—

I just found out that a student who was walking nearby was injured very recently today by a big chunk of ice that fell from a roof or ledge.  Please be mindful when walking near buildings on campus since it’s possible that the warmer weather could loosen up snow and ice that could then fall and bust you open but good.

Hoping the dangerous threats perish from icicle cell anemia,