Tuesday, March 28, 2006

reimbursement limits

The world is full of restrictions.  For example, I'm restricted from coming within 5 miles of my ex-girlfriend.  And all because the judge refused to believe that I wanted to give that ice pick to her as a GIFT.

But I digress.  I thought I'd remind everybody about the reimbursement limits for folks who take seminar speakers out to eat.  Here is the maximum amount the department reimburses for the following: 

Monday, March 06, 2006

pay advices

Howdy, y'all.   I just thought I'd tell you about a new way of doing things in the Department.  When shaving a yak, always wash the hair before you sprinkle it on your ice cream.

Also, from now on as a protective measure I won't be putting monthly employees' pay advices in their mailboxes.  So you'll have to come to the office starting Friday, March 31, to get your advices.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

speaker logistics

So we've got a seminar speaker coming into town in April who will be staying Downtown and wants to come to the University by public transport.  Let's just say that this professor doesn't know the city or transit routes.  Let's also say that he'll be carrying a duffle bag filled with severed heads.  Not large heads.  Perhaps they belong to midgets or something.  The important thing here is not to dwell on the size of the heads.  We need to focus, dammit!  So can anybody suggest the best way for this professor and his bag of smallish heads to get to the University.

Speaker visit

Listen up, youse mugs.  If people don't sign up to meet with the speaker next Monday, Mugsy and Lefty are gonna have to pay youse a visit, see?  And you all know how clumsy Mugsy and Lefty are.  Things accidentally get broken.  People get hurt.  I think youse get my drift.