Thursday, February 28, 2008

[Fwd: Fwd: Wksp, Thursday, 4:30!]

I bet you're asking yourself, "Hey, when is Dude going to forward another Workshop e-mail to me?" If it's any consolation, the question I'm asking myself is, "How many licks does it take to get to the chewy center of a hobo? I know! I'll ask Mr. Owl! And if he doesn't know the answer, so help me I will bitch slap that dumb beak right off his face!"

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

paying for mail

Greetings, people of science--

So the comptroller's office has been urging all of the departments on campus to make sure costs for grants are allocated correctly (so that we don't get in big trouble if there's ever an audit by one of the funding agencies). The point of this is to make sure that we use grant money to pay only for work associated with a specific grant.

How does this affect you? Well, you can make sure that you accurately charge supplies to the correct grant when you are ordering stuff. But the main reason I'm sending this is to let you know that you should specify what account you would like to use to pay for your postage. If you are dropping off a letter to be mailed, please indicate what account you would like to use to pay for the letter. And when you give D something to be sent via Federal Express or UPS, please let him know what account you want to use.

I suppose I should add something weird here since folks expect zany e-mails from me. But I'm not going to do that. I'm much too mature for that. And Lord Zebox, the invisible dwarf king of the realm of Pillow Pants, has vowed to eat my soul if I try to send any zany e-mails anymore.

All hail Lord Zebox,

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

breezeway entrance problem

I'm sure some of you may be having problems getting into the Building door in the breezeway between Z and E. A new key reader was installed yesterday, but it's a little temperamental. So until the swipe card system gets activated, here's what you need to do to get into the building:

1. Hop up and down on one foot and spend an hour doing an impersonation of Mel from the '70s sitcom "Alice"
2. Try your key in the reader several times. There doesn't seem to be any specific technique that works. But if you try your key a couple of times, eventually the reader should work. It took me a few tries to get it to work, but eventually perseverance paid off.

Monday, February 25, 2008

[Fwd: Fwd: Wksp: Thursday 4:30!]

Ah, Monday mornings! Nothing starts the work week out quite like sipping some coffee, forwarding a science e-mail, and trying to teach my head lice to perform "Cabaret." Now this is totally unofficial right now, but I'm try to negotiate with Liza Minelli to let me use some of her lice to perform on my scalp. She hasn't been working much lately, and you'd be surprised what she will agree to do for a half-eaten container of Cup o' Soup and a bottle of rubbing alcohol.

Monday, February 11, 2008

coffee break

Hey, we're trying something new for coffee break today. We're going to slake our thirst on the blood of the innocent rather than have coffee and tea.

Actually, we're trying a new brand of coffee because it seemed like folks weren't going to town on the last brand we used. Please let us know if you dig this new coffee or if you'd rather sip the blood of the innocent. Coffee break will be at 3:30 today in the L Room.