Thursday, June 11, 2009

e-mail scam warning

Howdy, y'all--

I'm not sure if I'm the only one who got this, but I thought I'd give everybody the heads up not to open or respond to an e-mail if the subject line is "SAV Upgrade" and the sender is "ITS". I'm sure everyone is well aware of the fact that nobody here at the university will ask you for your user name or password, but just in case there are newcomers, do not e-mail anyone that information. Unless I ask you for your bank account or credit account numbers. Don't be alarmed if you see anything on your statements showing a charge for "The Marcel Marceaucial Club," the world's first and only mime adult phone line.



Chiller down! Call 911!

Thanks to the cottonwood explosion, facilities is shutting down the building chiller to clean off all the funk. Because there's nothing worse than a funky chiller. Facilities estimates this should take an hour or so, so the chiller will be back up and running by 12:30.

Friday, June 05, 2009

Softball Beer

Fellow Teammates--

Not only am I going to attend, but I will also supply the beer. However, I don't know if I would be the best person to actually get the beer to the field since I won't get there until about 5:15, and if I had to get my car, come back to the office for the cooler, ice, and beer, and then head to the field I probably wouldn't get there until 5:25-ish. If you guys can wait that long, I'll gladly bring the beer to the field. But if somebody is cool with transporting the beer to the field, I'll bring the beer into work, get it nice and cold in the fridge, and then hand the beer off to the designated cooler lugger. Let me know your preference.

Also, does anybody know any members of Lame Team #1? They walked off with my bat last week, so I'd like to find out where they're playing this week so I can show them what happens when a team walks off with the our magic bat. Basically what happens is that I will grovel and plead with them to give me the bat. If that doesn't work, I will personally tea bag each and every one of those bastards until the bat is mine!


Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Global Env Wksp

Good morning, y'all--

I was asked to forward this e-mail. The subject line reminded me that I like to think globally but act locally. So in order to take over the world, I have to start by taking over locally. That is why I am brainwashing the ducklings in the pond. Mark my words! I WILL have those ducklings doing my evil bidding! Provided my evil bidding is limited to a small, aquatic area that flightless ducklings would have easy access to. Let my war of terror on the turtles in the pond begin! Those turtles are so going to be my bitches!



Global Env Wksp

In honor of the day after Memorial Day, I am honoring our armed forces the only way I know how: by placing merkins with life-like hair on all of my G.I. Joe dolls and then forwarding this announcement to you. Semper fi, y'all!