Tuesday, July 22, 2008

I am Gonesville, daddy-o!

Howdy, gang--

Well, if it's almost the end of July, that can mean only one thing. General Mills is going to pay me handsomely to find an inexpensive way of creating crack-filled marshmallows to include in "Frosted Lucky Charms." I already have the commercial in my mind: "Green clovers, yellow moons, orange stars, and new blue crack pipes! Frosted Lucky Charms, they're magically addictive!"

I will be working on this very special project while canoing through a canyon in southern Utah (I hope Mormons don't play the banjo), so I will be out of e-mail contact from this Saturday, July 26, through Sunday, Aug. 3. I won't be back to work until Monday, Aug. 4, so please let me know before this Friday if there's anything pressing that you need.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to hunt down that speed freak leprechaun.


Monday, July 14, 2008

Smoke in the building. Fire in the sky.

There are two possibilities. Either somebody's found a witch and has set her afire before she had the chance to turn us all into newts. Or else somebody is smoking in the Z Building. Quite frankly I'm rooting for the witch burning, because nowhere have I found a warning from the Surgeon General telling us that it's dangerous to inhale second-hand witch smoke.
Regardless, we received a complaint from someone who smelled cigarette smoke in the building. If someone has been smoking in the building, please be considerate of others and refrain from puffing indoors. While it's illegal to smoke cigarettes in a public building, I don't know if it's illegal to burn witches in a public building. But to play it safe, you may want to confine your witch burning to outside as well.