He gone!

Various and sundry dudes--

If you come by looking for me tomorrow or Friday, Nov. 29-30, you won't find me. Oh, I'll be in my office. I just will be hiding under my desk trying to teach cockroaches how to reenact "Braveheart." Surprisingly, it hasn't been too hard teaching them to use those little swords and shields. It's trying to find horses small enough for them to impale that has me stumped.

Actually, I'll be visiting some family out of state. But I'll be back next Monday.

Adieu,

Dude

Christmas gifts

Hey, everybody,

Well, Christmas is here, which can mean only one thing. It's time for my grandmother to make some fruitcake Depends for my grandfather. The structural integrity of Gram's fruitcake has been shoddy the last few years, though, so that means Gramps will have to go easy on the egg nog and crystal meth this Christmas.

It's also time to start collecting money to give to C, our cleaning lady, and J, the evening floor-cleaning dude. I was thinking of giving them their cards on Friday, Dec. 14. So if you'd like to give some money to make C's and J's holidays a little merrier, please bring your cash to me by the morning of Dec. 14. Remember, it would be much better to give these folks money than my grandmother's fruitcake.

Hohoho,

Dude

coffee pot

It is with great sadness that I must report one of our coffee pots is missing. This pot is more than just a container of coffee to me. It is my friend, confidant, and, yes, lover.

If you have seen the wee silver coffee pot, it would be groovy if you could let Dwight know so that we'll have it for next Monday's post-seminar social.

Stunned and hopeless,

Dude

Reimbursement requirement

Howdy, folks--

I just found out something about getting reimbursed for meals. If you take a zombie to lunch, human brains are not reimbursable. Yet oddly enough, entrails are. Go figure.

Actually, the comptroller's office is now requiring people to submit itemized receipts for meals. Usually you get a receipt that lists all the food ordered, and then you'll get just a receipt with the dollar amount if you pay with a credit card. From now on you'd need to turn in both the itemized receipt and the receipt that shows you paid for the meal.
Dude

job search lunches

Hey, I have a question. How come you never hear about incestual necrophiliacs?

I have another questions. Has there been enough food for you folks at the faculty search luncheons? Should we be ordering more food for these lunches.

Dude

Coffee Break

Hey, coffee lovers!

We have a special treat for you today. We will be serving coffee in the hollowed-out carcasses of dead voles.

Actually, there's already coffee and snacks up in the L Room, so if you want to start socializing a bit early, you can head to the room now and begin coffee breaking.

Away I go

What's up, dudes--

Well, October is almost here, which can mean only one thing: it's time for me to harvest the souls of the living in order to feed my dark master. But folks here are in such good shape that I could never catch them, what with me having to lug that huge scythe and all. So I'm going to Florida, where even a walker won't help folks escape the blade honed by the fire and brimstone of the Cloven Hooved One's realm. I'll probably also visit my mom while I'm down there. In Florida, not the Cloven Hooved One's realm.

Which is my subtle way of saying I will be on vacation from Saturday, Oct. 6, until Sunday, Oct. 14. If you have any pressing problems that need to be addressed, please see me as soon as you can next week so I can crank out your task as if I were following the orders of my lord the Sulphurous One.

The Dude

Ica Machine Still Down

When I was little, it wasn't easy to cool down in the summer because we were so poor. But with a little ingenuity, my mom would make her own popsickle treats by freezing a mixture of cough syrup and my grandfather's drool. They weren't very tasty, but they did give me a permanent fear of both getting sick and getting old.

We're having a little icy trouble of our own in department. The ice machine in the Building basement is still down for the count, and it will probably be another 5-7 working days until the thing is up and running. Until our ice machine is fixed, you can still get ice, though. Department X has graciously offered to let us use their ice machine. It's located on the second floor of Building X. If you get off the elevator on the second floor, immediately turn to your left and you'll see the ice machine in a little nook.

I need air!

When the mercury is climbing, there's only one thing that keeps me cool. A dry ice suppository. Unfortunately, I ran out, so I need to rely on air conditioning today. But for those of you who also rely on air conditioning, it may get a little warm. Facilities has to shut down the Building X air handler for about an hour to do some maintenance on it. Hopefully the system should be up and running by around 11:15 a.m.

time off

I guess I've matured. I'm not going to say that I'm taking time off from July 18-24 to hang out with midgets, shave my back, or date a goat. I suppose my position as the grants administrator has made me more responsible, and I'm finally acting my age.

So I will be taking this time off to rest, relax, and try to train myself to stop making boom boom in my pants.

If you have anything pressing that you need me to do before I start taking my vacation next Wednesday, please get it to me as soon as possible so I can get it done by the end of the day Tuesday.

Party on,


The Dude