cleaning folks and their cash

Hi diddly ho, neighbors--

We've been getting some good Christmas contributions for the cleaning folks, but alas we haven't hit the amount we usually give. So if there is anybody out there who hasn't donated, please swing by my office to cough up some money. If you want to cough up anything else, I can use it to make my traditional viscous nativity scene. I like to parade it around while singing "Oh, Little Town of Bethla-phlegm."

Thanks,

Dude

Projector

LCD lovers--

The LCD projector has a new bulb and has been reinstalled. But since I was breast-fed by Timothy Leary in the '60s and can't always figure out what is real, I don't know if I hooked everything back up correctly. So if you have trouble with the projector, let me know so I can try out a few other combinations of wire connections.

Tuned in, turned on, and dropped out,

Dude

Holiday Party

Greetings, holiday revelers--

Not to beat a dead lemur/lemming hybrid, but I thought I'd send out one final reminder about the Holiday Bash.

Also, you may have noticed a Christmas tree on the second floor of the building. We have a very meager amount of ornaments to put on the tree (we'll be putting the ornaments on tomorrow). So if you would like to donate an ornament, feel free to hang one from the tree whenever you want. I'll be hanging little buckets of kerosene on the tree while gnawing on the Christmas tree light wires, so feel free to hang tissue, old newspapers, or oily rags on the tree.

Ho ho ho,

Dude

Office closing

Greetings, all--

Since we are like lemurs willing to walk over a cliff into the abyss, we will be following the lead of other departments on campus and will be closing the office today at 2 p.m. in preparation for the Thanksgiving holiday. All university offices are closed tomorrow and Friday for the Thanksgiving holiday.

Everyone enjoy your holiday and give thanks the only way Americans know how, by stuffing our bellies to the point of bursting with the flesh of an ugly bird or an ugly non-flesh bird known as the tofurkey!

Party on,

- Dude

Give me your money

Greetings--

With Christmas just around the corner, I remember all of the times my mother would take angel dust and fill our stockings with fire ants. God, I hated Christmas!

But that doesn't mean everybody should hate Christmas. Which is why I'm starting the collection of money for our cleaning lady and our floor dude. Anywho, please swing by my office if you would like to make the holidays a little more festive for them.

Still scarred from my stocking,

Dude

Ice Machine Scoop

Let's face it. Nothing tastes quite as good as a rat hair snow cone. And since both rodents and the ice machine have been known to hang out in the basement area, it's only natural that folks would want to fuse these two items together. However, somebody has been leaving the ice scoop inside the ice machine. It winds up getting covered with ice, which makes it difficult to find and remove. If folks could leave the ice scoop on top of the ice machine after icing down their tufts of rat fur, all of the users of the machine would appreciate it. Providing you let them taste your rat hair snow cone.

Money

Science lovers--

If you want money for your research and you don't want to get it like I get my spending money--you'd be surprised at how many 80-year-old women are looking for a male gigolo with a Depends fetish--then I'm thinking you might be applying for a ....(administrative stuff)

Please let me know if you have any questions,

Dude

a brief trip

Well, the frost is on the pumpkin, which can mean only one thing. It's time for me to participate in the annual "Trying to Milk Animals that Don't Make Milk Competition" that is run by that weird dude Larry who wears an eye patch even though he doesn't need it. I have the unenviable task of trying to milk a rabid emu this year.
But I digress. I will be off tomorrow and next Monday. So if you need anything urgent, especially if it involves a rabid emu, then please see me today.

Showering you with the milk of emu kindness,

Dude

steam shutdown

We have ourselves a steam leak in the Building, so M. is going to shut down the steam to the building tomorrow morning. The steam should be down from about 8:30 a.m. until 11 a.m. if all goes well. How does this impact you, the dweller in the Building? We will have no hot water and no heat (either from the radiators or the vents). So you may want to wear an extra layer tomorrow. Or, if you are a Star Wars geek, you can cut open the belly of a TaunTaun and crawl inside to stay warm...

storage bin

My storage bin is more than just a container to hold things. My storage bin is my friend, my confidante, and, yes, my lover. If you would like a plastic storage tub, too, come on down to the office and take it. It's free!