Well, autumn is approaching, which can mean only one thing. It's time for me to write the world's first belch opera. I have this totally wicked aria in mind that will require the consumption of at least 6 liters of Mountain Dew. It ain't over until the fat lady burps.
I will be writing my gaseous opera while visiting my mom in Florida. I will be on vacation starting Tuesday, Sept. 15, and I will return to work on Tuesday, Sept. 22. Please let me know if you have anything pressing that needs to be taken care of before I leave.
thanks,
Dude
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Ice Machine
Hi, everybody--
It looks like there won't be any snow cone making this morning in the main building. Not only have I run out of my favorite hobo-flavored syrup (I am currently trying to patent the extraction method once the murder charges are no longer pending), but the ice machine in the basement is not working. I think it's simply a matter of the opening where the ice comes out being frozen solid, so I have unplugged the machine to see if it will work once the opening thaws. If that doesn't work, we'll get a repair hobo out to fix the machine. I'll keep you posted...
It looks like there won't be any snow cone making this morning in the main building. Not only have I run out of my favorite hobo-flavored syrup (I am currently trying to patent the extraction method once the murder charges are no longer pending), but the ice machine in the basement is not working. I think it's simply a matter of the opening where the ice comes out being frozen solid, so I have unplugged the machine to see if it will work once the opening thaws. If that doesn't work, we'll get a repair hobo out to fix the machine. I'll keep you posted...
Friday, August 21, 2009
Building stank
Greetings --
If you smell something funky in the hallways, it's not something burning. Nor is it related to me eating 10 jalepeno cheeseburgers from White Castles (which is in itself a type of burning). It's merely the stench of glue from new tile being installed on the third floor. If the smell is getting to you, you may want to open a window.
Stenchily,
Dude
If you smell something funky in the hallways, it's not something burning. Nor is it related to me eating 10 jalepeno cheeseburgers from White Castles (which is in itself a type of burning). It's merely the stench of glue from new tile being installed on the third floor. If the smell is getting to you, you may want to open a window.
Stenchily,
Dude
Friday, July 31, 2009
Fare thee well, Dan
Greetings, Dept. entitities--
It looks like I get to be the bearer of bad/good news. I still have that weird infection, but I didn't get it from my goat. Also, I'm sorry to let you know that "Jon", our front desk dude, is leaving us. But the good news is that he is leaving us to take a job at another university in an environment more closely connected to his background in the arts.
While "Jon"'s last official day is next Friday, his final days working here will be tomorrow and next Monday. I'd like to thank "Jon" for all of the help he has provided the department for the last year and a half or so, and I wish him well in his new gig. Feel free to stop on by the office tomorrow or Monday to wish "Jon" a fond farewell.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get some more ointment...
Dude
It looks like I get to be the bearer of bad/good news. I still have that weird infection, but I didn't get it from my goat. Also, I'm sorry to let you know that "Jon", our front desk dude, is leaving us. But the good news is that he is leaving us to take a job at another university in an environment more closely connected to his background in the arts.
While "Jon"'s last official day is next Friday, his final days working here will be tomorrow and next Monday. I'd like to thank "Jon" for all of the help he has provided the department for the last year and a half or so, and I wish him well in his new gig. Feel free to stop on by the office tomorrow or Monday to wish "Jon" a fond farewell.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get some more ointment...
Dude
Thursday, June 11, 2009
e-mail scam warning
Howdy, y'all--
I'm not sure if I'm the only one who got this, but I thought I'd give everybody the heads up not to open or respond to an e-mail if the subject line is "SAV Upgrade" and the sender is "ITS". I'm sure everyone is well aware of the fact that nobody here at the university will ask you for your user name or password, but just in case there are newcomers, do not e-mail anyone that information. Unless I ask you for your bank account or credit account numbers. Don't be alarmed if you see anything on your statements showing a charge for "The Marcel Marceaucial Club," the world's first and only mime adult phone line.
Cheers,
Dude
I'm not sure if I'm the only one who got this, but I thought I'd give everybody the heads up not to open or respond to an e-mail if the subject line is "SAV Upgrade" and the sender is "ITS". I'm sure everyone is well aware of the fact that nobody here at the university will ask you for your user name or password, but just in case there are newcomers, do not e-mail anyone that information. Unless I ask you for your bank account or credit account numbers. Don't be alarmed if you see anything on your statements showing a charge for "The Marcel Marceaucial Club," the world's first and only mime adult phone line.
Cheers,
Dude
Chiller down! Call 911!
Thanks to the cottonwood explosion, facilities is shutting down the building chiller to clean off all the funk. Because there's nothing worse than a funky chiller. Facilities estimates this should take an hour or so, so the chiller will be back up and running by 12:30.
Friday, June 05, 2009
Softball Beer
Fellow Teammates--
Not only am I going to attend, but I will also supply the beer. However, I don't know if I would be the best person to actually get the beer to the field since I won't get there until about 5:15, and if I had to get my car, come back to the office for the cooler, ice, and beer, and then head to the field I probably wouldn't get there until 5:25-ish. If you guys can wait that long, I'll gladly bring the beer to the field. But if somebody is cool with transporting the beer to the field, I'll bring the beer into work, get it nice and cold in the fridge, and then hand the beer off to the designated cooler lugger. Let me know your preference.
Also, does anybody know any members of Lame Team #1? They walked off with my bat last week, so I'd like to find out where they're playing this week so I can show them what happens when a team walks off with the our magic bat. Basically what happens is that I will grovel and plead with them to give me the bat. If that doesn't work, I will personally tea bag each and every one of those bastards until the bat is mine!
Dude
Not only am I going to attend, but I will also supply the beer. However, I don't know if I would be the best person to actually get the beer to the field since I won't get there until about 5:15, and if I had to get my car, come back to the office for the cooler, ice, and beer, and then head to the field I probably wouldn't get there until 5:25-ish. If you guys can wait that long, I'll gladly bring the beer to the field. But if somebody is cool with transporting the beer to the field, I'll bring the beer into work, get it nice and cold in the fridge, and then hand the beer off to the designated cooler lugger. Let me know your preference.
Also, does anybody know any members of Lame Team #1? They walked off with my bat last week, so I'd like to find out where they're playing this week so I can show them what happens when a team walks off with the our magic bat. Basically what happens is that I will grovel and plead with them to give me the bat. If that doesn't work, I will personally tea bag each and every one of those bastards until the bat is mine!
Dude
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Global Env Wksp
Good morning, y'all--
I was asked to forward this e-mail. The subject line reminded me that I like to think globally but act locally. So in order to take over the world, I have to start by taking over locally. That is why I am brainwashing the ducklings in the pond. Mark my words! I WILL have those ducklings doing my evil bidding! Provided my evil bidding is limited to a small, aquatic area that flightless ducklings would have easy access to. Let my war of terror on the turtles in the pond begin! Those turtles are so going to be my bitches!
Evilly,
Dude
I was asked to forward this e-mail. The subject line reminded me that I like to think globally but act locally. So in order to take over the world, I have to start by taking over locally. That is why I am brainwashing the ducklings in the pond. Mark my words! I WILL have those ducklings doing my evil bidding! Provided my evil bidding is limited to a small, aquatic area that flightless ducklings would have easy access to. Let my war of terror on the turtles in the pond begin! Those turtles are so going to be my bitches!
Evilly,
Dude
Global Env Wksp
In honor of the day after Memorial Day, I am honoring our armed forces the only way I know how: by placing merkins with life-like hair on all of my G.I. Joe dolls and then forwarding this announcement to you. Semper fi, y'all!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Global Env Wksp
Science Entities--
When winter refuses to release its icy hold on the city, I find there's only one way to keep my sanity: I make a tuxedo out of stem cells and then have Rush Limbaugh lick the entire outfit by telling him it's coated with Oxycontin.
I also keep my sanity by forwarding these global workshop e-mails to you.
Cheers,
Dude
When winter refuses to release its icy hold on the city, I find there's only one way to keep my sanity: I make a tuxedo out of stem cells and then have Rush Limbaugh lick the entire outfit by telling him it's coated with Oxycontin.
I also keep my sanity by forwarding these global workshop e-mails to you.
Cheers,
Dude
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