N. H. seminars

As F mentioned, there will be no N. H. seminar today. But not to worry. I'm not wearing any pants. No. Wait. You shouldn't worry because there are lots of other N. H. seminars coming up this quarter and spring quarter. I've attached the lists for your reading pleasure.

R.W. Seminar

R W, Dept. of X, University of X, will present the seminar "New Insights into Evolution of Cereal Genomes" next Monday, Jan. 22, at X:XX p.m. in XXX. I'm assuming he'll be talking about the project to map all of Capt. Crunch's genes.

There's are only a few openings left on his schedule, so please let me know if you would like to meet with him between 10 a.m. and noon. Sorry students, but no cereal for lunch for you this week since I already have the lunch slot filled.

Change in the Monday seminar routine

Well, it's a brand new year, which means it's time for a few changes. The biggest change of course will be my decision to open a school to train epileptics to give circumcisions.
Besides that, we are completely changing the schedule for the Monday seminar series. The seminars will still be held in XXX. But starting next Monday, Jan. 8, we will have our pre-seminar socials at X:XX p.m. instead of X:XX p.m. in the XXX Room. The seminars will now start at X:XX p.m. instead of X:XX p.m. And why did we move things around? Because at X:XX-ish p.m. immediately following the seminars we will have a post-seminar social in the XXX Room so folks can discuss what they heard at the seminars. And what will make this post-seminar social so enjoyable? Free beer and cheap, salty snacks! Yes, nothing goes together better than alcohol consumption and science.
FYI, our first speaker for the quarter will be Dr. JK.

office closing

I believe it was the Greek philosopher Thales of Miletus who summed it up best when he said, "Why do I always wake up in an alley on New Year's Day wearing only a loin cloth made of dead marmots and lark's vomit?" In order to answer this question, the office staff will be conducting our own research into the matter when we follow suit with the D.O. and close at 2 p.m. today. And by the office staff conducting research, I mean me and my pet lark Karen Carpenter.

Everybody have a righteous New Year's, and I hope to see some of you in the alley on Monday morning.

vacation, yo

What does Florida have to offer besides all the colostamy bags you can drink? Well, my mother. I will be visiting her for Christmas, so I'll be away from work starting Wednesday and returning to work on Thursday.

Congrats again to G

I just wanted to offer my congratulations again to G for his promotion. The promotion is a great achievement for G as well as a wonderful reflection of the hard work our faculty, postdoctoral researchers and graduate students do in the name of science. (Any work I may do, however, is in the name of Gus, that weird dude who sleeps behind the Staples store in my neighborhood and has the wicked, pimped-out shopping cart I've ever seen)

Department Christmas Gathering

Just a reminder that Department folks will be gathering at J's today starting at 5 p.m. to have a few holiday cocktails. Please join us. I'm not promising anything, but if I get enough Guinness in me I just might belch Handel's "Messiah" in its entirety. And if you give me enough White Castles I could probably pull off a unique rendition of "Carol of the Bells."

Your Seminar

Dudes--

I thought I'd pester you all to get the titles for your seminars for the Winter Quarter so I can print out the flyers. So throw me a frickin' bone. I need the info. (For full effect, say those last two sentences aloud like Dr. Evil).

Gimme the money and nobody gets hurt

Sorry to be a pest, but money has been trickling in for the janitor and the floor cleaning dude. I'd like to give them their moolah this Friday, so now is the time to really dole out the cash. More importantly, if you pony up some cash then I can stop acting like one of those strokes on the PBS fund drives.

It's time to collect money for the cleaning folks

Well, the Christmas season is here, which means it's time for one thing: spiking my family's egg nog with a harmless mega-dose of liquid LSD and donkey laxative.

But that's not all. it's also time to collect money for C our cleaning lady and for the floor cleaning dude whose name I still don't remember. I'd like to give C and Dude their cash-filled cards by Dec. 15, so please give what you can. You can give your donations to me. And even though donkey laxative is surprisingly expensive, you can rest assured that every penny of your donation will go to C and Dude.