Howdy, Studes--
Who doesn't love getting funding? I, for one, get lots of funding by harvesting organs from people I accidentally knock out with ether. By the way, if you notice a weird smell in the room during the weekly coffee break, ignore it.
Anyway, if you could let me know if you're going to submit for funding, I'd be much obliged.
Thanks,
Dude
Thursday, October 04, 2012
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Consulting Service
Howdy, everybody--
I was asked to forward this consulting program announcement from the Dept. of Statistics.
I also have a consulting program, so if you need to know how to grill hobo steaks in a way that gets rid of the scent of cheap booze and mattresses that have been tucked under expressway overpasses, I'm your guy.
Cheers,
Dude
I was asked to forward this consulting program announcement from the Dept. of Statistics.
I also have a consulting program, so if you need to know how to grill hobo steaks in a way that gets rid of the scent of cheap booze and mattresses that have been tucked under expressway overpasses, I'm your guy.
Cheers,
Dude
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Well I'm southbound
Howdy, y'all--
Just wanted to let everybody know that I'll be gone starting tomorrow. Amazingly I will not be going to Florida to visit my mother. Instead I'll be driving to North Carolina to see if I can experience my own version of "Deliverance." Only my version is going to be even more creepy because the freaky-looking hillbilly dude is going to be playing a theramin instead of a banjo. Now all I need to do is find a place that sells Ned Beatty masks and I'm good to go.
Ready to fuse "Dueling Banjos" with "Good Vibrations,"
- Dude
Just wanted to let everybody know that I'll be gone starting tomorrow. Amazingly I will not be going to Florida to visit my mother. Instead I'll be driving to North Carolina to see if I can experience my own version of "Deliverance." Only my version is going to be even more creepy because the freaky-looking hillbilly dude is going to be playing a theramin instead of a banjo. Now all I need to do is find a place that sells Ned Beatty masks and I'm good to go.
Ready to fuse "Dueling Banjos" with "Good Vibrations,"
- Dude
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Coffee break down! Repeat, coffee break down!
Greetings, caffeine fiends--
What's better than free coffee? For starters, I'd say watching the reaction of my grandparents when I sneak into their bedroom with a boombox at 3 a.m. and crank a Yoko One CD. Oddly enough, Nana's shrieks sound more melodious than Yoko's.
What else is better than free coffee is having two grad students graduate. Since the P lab is having a reception for Citizen A and Citizen B, we will not be having the regular coffee break today.
Good luck, Citizen A, Citizen B, and Nana (providing your heart has started again)!
Cheers,
Dude
What's better than free coffee? For starters, I'd say watching the reaction of my grandparents when I sneak into their bedroom with a boombox at 3 a.m. and crank a Yoko One CD. Oddly enough, Nana's shrieks sound more melodious than Yoko's.
What else is better than free coffee is having two grad students graduate. Since the P lab is having a reception for Citizen A and Citizen B, we will not be having the regular coffee break today.
Good luck, Citizen A, Citizen B, and Nana (providing your heart has started again)!
Cheers,
Dude
Tuesday, June 05, 2012
key deposits
Hi, Building Access Lovers--
As the old saying goes, sometimes it takes one bad egg to make Uncle Milt turn the breakfast table into a gastrointestinal Jackson Pollock painting.
Unfortunately a few bad eggs have also prompted us to bring back charging deposits for keys. Several folks have stopped working here and have not returned their keys. So we're getting all financially medieval on folks and will now be charging a $20 deposit for each key that we hand out.
Ready to eat a slightly jerky egg omelet,
- Dude
As the old saying goes, sometimes it takes one bad egg to make Uncle Milt turn the breakfast table into a gastrointestinal Jackson Pollock painting.
Unfortunately a few bad eggs have also prompted us to bring back charging deposits for keys. Several folks have stopped working here and have not returned their keys. So we're getting all financially medieval on folks and will now be charging a $20 deposit for each key that we hand out.
Ready to eat a slightly jerky egg omelet,
- Dude
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
I am so out of here!
Greetings, everybody--
As most of you know, I always do the same thing every spring. I'm referring, of course, to my continued attemp to convince the TV networks to make a Saturday morning cartoon based on "Apocalypse Now."
I will be contacting the TV networks while I am in Florida visiting my mom. So if you need me to take care of something for you before I head out, please let me know today or tomorrow.
The horror! The horror!
As most of you know, I always do the same thing every spring. I'm referring, of course, to my continued attemp to convince the TV networks to make a Saturday morning cartoon based on "Apocalypse Now."
I will be contacting the TV networks while I am in Florida visiting my mom. So if you need me to take care of something for you before I head out, please let me know today or tomorrow.
The horror! The horror!
- Dude
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Liquid Nitrogen
Good day to you, science entities--
Does anybody know if there's a place on campus to obtain smaller amounts of liquid nitrogen? If you could let me know where liquid nitrogen can be purchased, that would be awesome for everybody except the person who I plan to inject the liquid nitrogen into. At long last I will be able to inherit Uncle Filbert's ant farm!
Thanks,
Does anybody know if there's a place on campus to obtain smaller amounts of liquid nitrogen? If you could let me know where liquid nitrogen can be purchased, that would be awesome for everybody except the person who I plan to inject the liquid nitrogen into. At long last I will be able to inherit Uncle Filbert's ant farm!
Thanks,
Dude
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Contract work
Greetings, lab work dudes--
Occasionally labs may need to have work done that requires a contract ... and contracts need to be signed before any work is done. The school's new policy is that violators will have live cockroaches placed in their mouths and then have their lips sewn shut. I, for one, plan on violating the policy immediately!
Please let me know if you have any questions.
Cheers,
Occasionally labs may need to have work done that requires a contract ... and contracts need to be signed before any work is done. The school's new policy is that violators will have live cockroaches placed in their mouths and then have their lips sewn shut. I, for one, plan on violating the policy immediately!
Please let me know if you have any questions.
Cheers,
Dude
Friday, November 18, 2011
Going cold turkey on Thanksgiving...
Hola, dudes--
You're probably asking yourself, "Hey, Dude. What are you thankful for?" I'm thankful for my family and friends. I'm thankful for my health. I'm thankful that I've reached an age where I'm starting to sprout ear hair. I'm thankful that a flash mob hasn't Crazy Glued a set of fake udders to my stomach. I'm thankful that the FDA is finally considering adding fingernails as one of the basic food groups.
But mostly I am thankful that I'll get to avoid the reality of chilly weather by going south to spend Thanksgiving with my mom. I'll be off starting next Wednesday, and I will be back to work on the next Wednesday.
Thankfully ending this e-mail,
You're probably asking yourself, "Hey, Dude. What are you thankful for?" I'm thankful for my family and friends. I'm thankful for my health. I'm thankful that I've reached an age where I'm starting to sprout ear hair. I'm thankful that a flash mob hasn't Crazy Glued a set of fake udders to my stomach. I'm thankful that the FDA is finally considering adding fingernails as one of the basic food groups.
But mostly I am thankful that I'll get to avoid the reality of chilly weather by going south to spend Thanksgiving with my mom. I'll be off starting next Wednesday, and I will be back to work on the next Wednesday.
Thankfully ending this e-mail,
Dude
Thursday, July 07, 2011
Gone yet again
Guten morgen, dudes--
At long last July is here, which can mean only one thing: it's palmetto bug hunting season! Sure, it's hard to actually afix the tag to the palmetto bug's leg after I have slain an insect. And it's even harder to find a taxidermist insane enough to mount a palmetto bug head on a little plaque. And it's even harder still to find a nail small enough to use to attach the palmetto bug head plaque on my den wall. But all of these hardships are worth it when I can appreciate my quarry, kill it, mount its head on my wall, and grill up some palmetto bug fillets for family and friends.
I will be traveling to Florida for my big hunt. If you have something pressing you need done before I go, please let me know as soon as you can.
Be vewwy quiet, I'm hunting wascally woaches,
Dude Fudd
At long last July is here, which can mean only one thing: it's palmetto bug hunting season! Sure, it's hard to actually afix the tag to the palmetto bug's leg after I have slain an insect. And it's even harder to find a taxidermist insane enough to mount a palmetto bug head on a little plaque. And it's even harder still to find a nail small enough to use to attach the palmetto bug head plaque on my den wall. But all of these hardships are worth it when I can appreciate my quarry, kill it, mount its head on my wall, and grill up some palmetto bug fillets for family and friends.
I will be traveling to Florida for my big hunt. If you have something pressing you need done before I go, please let me know as soon as you can.
Be vewwy quiet, I'm hunting wascally woaches,
Dude Fudd
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