Hey, Studes--
Now that the Bears are out of the Superbowl picture, it's time to start focusing on something just as exciting: the beginning of the National Leper Hockey League season! Like me, I'm sure you're eager to see another face off at center ice.
But if that ain't your cup of tea, you can always go to this workshop instead.
Go Lepers!
Dude
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Workshop
Hey, Studes--
The first snow of the season is poised to hit us today, which can mean only one thing: frozen hobo slushies for everyone! Of course that's only if the flesh doesn't thaw when I dump the bodies in the wood chipper.
Unrelated to snow is the attached announcement for some sort of workshop. The first 20 attendees will get free hobo slushies.
Bon apetit,
Dude
The first snow of the season is poised to hit us today, which can mean only one thing: frozen hobo slushies for everyone! Of course that's only if the flesh doesn't thaw when I dump the bodies in the wood chipper.
Unrelated to snow is the attached announcement for some sort of workshop. The first 20 attendees will get free hobo slushies.
Bon apetit,
Dude
Christmas moolah needed
Holiday greetings, y'all--
Boy, can you believe it's almost December? That means one thing: my crazy uncle will probably get arrested again for stealing Salvation Army kettles in order to finance his addiction to platypus-skin ascots.
I guess it also means it's time to collect money to make the holidays a lot more enjoyable for ...
Ho ho ho,
Dude
Boy, can you believe it's almost December? That means one thing: my crazy uncle will probably get arrested again for stealing Salvation Army kettles in order to finance his addiction to platypus-skin ascots.
I guess it also means it's time to collect money to make the holidays a lot more enjoyable for ...
Ho ho ho,
Dude
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Workshop
Studes--
Thanksgiving always reminds me of those special things I experienced as a child. The aroma of the turkey cooking in the oven. Getting up to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving parade on TV. And of course the blood. Dear god! So much blood!
To help clear your mind of any such memories, you can attend this workshop the day before Thanksgiving.
Bon apetit,
Dude
Thanksgiving always reminds me of those special things I experienced as a child. The aroma of the turkey cooking in the oven. Getting up to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving parade on TV. And of course the blood. Dear god! So much blood!
To help clear your mind of any such memories, you can attend this workshop the day before Thanksgiving.
Bon apetit,
Dude
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
Workshop
Studes--
Dang, can you believe that it's almost Thanksgiving? That means I'm really going to have to start preparing for the holiday right now if I'm going to find enough used heroin syringe needles to stuff my turkey. Of course I don't know why I even bother because I'm sure nobody will show up to dinner. Again.
But you can get some pre-holiday excitement going if you attend the workshop detailed in this forwarded e-mail.
Bon Apetit,
Chef Dude
Dang, can you believe that it's almost Thanksgiving? That means I'm really going to have to start preparing for the holiday right now if I'm going to find enough used heroin syringe needles to stuff my turkey. Of course I don't know why I even bother because I'm sure nobody will show up to dinner. Again.
But you can get some pre-holiday excitement going if you attend the workshop detailed in this forwarded e-mail.
Bon Apetit,
Chef Dude
Monday, October 25, 2010
Workshop
Hi, Studes--
Do you know what I love most about attending science workshops? I'd have to say it's that moment right after I hand out the pork fat necklaces and right before I lock the doors and release the rabid pit bulls. Either that or it's the free bottled water.
Anyhow, you can find out what YOU love the most about attending science workshops if you go to the one in this forwarded e-mail.
Cheers,
Dude
Do you know what I love most about attending science workshops? I'd have to say it's that moment right after I hand out the pork fat necklaces and right before I lock the doors and release the rabid pit bulls. Either that or it's the free bottled water.
Anyhow, you can find out what YOU love the most about attending science workshops if you go to the one in this forwarded e-mail.
Cheers,
Dude
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Workshop
Greetings, Studes--
When you see the attached e-mail with the name Brian Wilson in it, I'm sure you'll think of one thing: Why am I getting an e-mail from that weird guy who lances boils into ice cream cones? Man, you just need to let that whole ice cream cone thing go. After all, the driving creative force behind the Beach Boys forgave the boil lancer years ago. Anyway, whichever Brian Wilson you're thinking of, enjoy the e-mail...
When you see the attached e-mail with the name Brian Wilson in it, I'm sure you'll think of one thing: Why am I getting an e-mail from that weird guy who lances boils into ice cream cones? Man, you just need to let that whole ice cream cone thing go. After all, the driving creative force behind the Beach Boys forgave the boil lancer years ago. Anyway, whichever Brian Wilson you're thinking of, enjoy the e-mail...
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Workshop
Studes--
Well, it was a weird trip to Florida. I got a severe sunburn which led to the growth of a weird mole that looks exactly like an M.C. Escher illustration. This could cause a problem because I'm confident a dermatologist wouldn't know where the mole starts and where it ends. Yet I can't stop staring at it. Damn you, Escher mole!
But I digress. Here's another e-mail about an environment workshop.
Suffering from an eschernoma,
Dude
Well, it was a weird trip to Florida. I got a severe sunburn which led to the growth of a weird mole that looks exactly like an M.C. Escher illustration. This could cause a problem because I'm confident a dermatologist wouldn't know where the mole starts and where it ends. Yet I can't stop staring at it. Damn you, Escher mole!
But I digress. Here's another e-mail about an environment workshop.
Suffering from an eschernoma,
Dude
Friday, October 08, 2010
Hurricanes, here I come
Greetings, y'all--
Well, October is here, which means one very important thing--it's time for my weird Uncle Ronnie to dress his scalp cysts in little Elvis Presley jumpsuit costumes for Halloween.
On a less important level, October is also going to bring my annual autumnal trip to Florida to visit my mother so she can yell at me about my hair length and question me about when I'm going to get married and give her grandchildren.
A hunk-a, hunk-a burning cyst,
Dude
Well, October is here, which means one very important thing--it's time for my weird Uncle Ronnie to dress his scalp cysts in little Elvis Presley jumpsuit costumes for Halloween.
On a less important level, October is also going to bring my annual autumnal trip to Florida to visit my mother so she can yell at me about my hair length and question me about when I'm going to get married and give her grandchildren.
A hunk-a, hunk-a burning cyst,
Dude
Monday, September 13, 2010
U.S. mail delivery
Good day to you, my mailing amigos--
Did you know it's illegal to ship a severed hobo head via U.S. mail? Yet oddly enough you can sew several severed hobo heads in the body cavity of a whole dead hobo, and that's okay. Go figure.
If you want to mail anything via U.S. mail, please keep in mind that the mail should be in the office by 3 p.m. if you want it to be dropped off in the mailbox that same day.
- Dude
Did you know it's illegal to ship a severed hobo head via U.S. mail? Yet oddly enough you can sew several severed hobo heads in the body cavity of a whole dead hobo, and that's okay. Go figure.
If you want to mail anything via U.S. mail, please keep in mind that the mail should be in the office by 3 p.m. if you want it to be dropped off in the mailbox that same day.
- Dude
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