Global Env. Wksp

Greetings --

Maybe it's just me, but I think we need to support our own! So that's why I'm forwarding this workshop announcement for a talk being given by G. M. So attend this talk and show him your support! Also, bring pitchforks, torches, and bludgeoning tools so that you can attack G. if you disagree with anything he says. I don't think you'd be out of line to disembowel him even if he makes a grammatical error.

Realizing that rather than being a buddhist I'm a cold-blooded monster,

Dude

revised wksp schedule

Entities--

Do you know what I love about Monday? It's a fresh start. The week is open to all possibilities for everyone. Well, everyone except that cheerleader I have tied up in my closet. And even then, I'll be giving her the weekly hosing down she gets every Monday. I just hope I don't get any water on my favorite t-shirts.

Anyway, Monday is also one of any number of days in which I get to forward you e-mails like this one about some sort of global workshop. Enjoy!

Cheers,

Dude

Workshop Schedule

Howdy, students of science--

Whenever I'm in the midst of a snowstorm, I find the main thing that gives me the drive to face the wrath of winter is my never-ending desire to watch amoeba porn. Whenever I witness mitosis and that hot protzoan movement by protoplasmic flow, I am heated to the core. Hubba la hubba la hubski!

What else gives me the drive to face the wrath of winter is forwarding these e-mails to you. Hopefully you, too, will feel the warmth!

Cheers,

Dude

cleaning folks and their cash

Hi diddly ho, neighbors--

We've been getting some good Christmas contributions for the cleaning folks, but alas we haven't hit the amount we usually give. So if there is anybody out there who hasn't donated, please swing by my office to cough up some money. If you want to cough up anything else, I can use it to make my traditional viscous nativity scene. I like to parade it around while singing "Oh, Little Town of Bethla-phlegm."

Thanks,

Dude

Projector

LCD lovers--

The LCD projector has a new bulb and has been reinstalled. But since I was breast-fed by Timothy Leary in the '60s and can't always figure out what is real, I don't know if I hooked everything back up correctly. So if you have trouble with the projector, let me know so I can try out a few other combinations of wire connections.

Tuned in, turned on, and dropped out,

Dude

Holiday Party

Greetings, holiday revelers--

Not to beat a dead lemur/lemming hybrid, but I thought I'd send out one final reminder about the Holiday Bash.

Also, you may have noticed a Christmas tree on the second floor of the building. We have a very meager amount of ornaments to put on the tree (we'll be putting the ornaments on tomorrow). So if you would like to donate an ornament, feel free to hang one from the tree whenever you want. I'll be hanging little buckets of kerosene on the tree while gnawing on the Christmas tree light wires, so feel free to hang tissue, old newspapers, or oily rags on the tree.

Ho ho ho,

Dude

Office closing

Greetings, all--

Since we are like lemurs willing to walk over a cliff into the abyss, we will be following the lead of other departments on campus and will be closing the office today at 2 p.m. in preparation for the Thanksgiving holiday. All university offices are closed tomorrow and Friday for the Thanksgiving holiday.

Everyone enjoy your holiday and give thanks the only way Americans know how, by stuffing our bellies to the point of bursting with the flesh of an ugly bird or an ugly non-flesh bird known as the tofurkey!

Party on,

- Dude

Give me your money

Greetings--

With Christmas just around the corner, I remember all of the times my mother would take angel dust and fill our stockings with fire ants. God, I hated Christmas!

But that doesn't mean everybody should hate Christmas. Which is why I'm starting the collection of money for our cleaning lady and our floor dude. Anywho, please swing by my office if you would like to make the holidays a little more festive for them.

Still scarred from my stocking,

Dude

Ice Machine Scoop

Let's face it. Nothing tastes quite as good as a rat hair snow cone. And since both rodents and the ice machine have been known to hang out in the basement area, it's only natural that folks would want to fuse these two items together. However, somebody has been leaving the ice scoop inside the ice machine. It winds up getting covered with ice, which makes it difficult to find and remove. If folks could leave the ice scoop on top of the ice machine after icing down their tufts of rat fur, all of the users of the machine would appreciate it. Providing you let them taste your rat hair snow cone.

Money

Science lovers--

If you want money for your research and you don't want to get it like I get my spending money--you'd be surprised at how many 80-year-old women are looking for a male gigolo with a Depends fetish--then I'm thinking you might be applying for a ....(administrative stuff)

Please let me know if you have any questions,

Dude