Howdy, y'all--
I'm not sure if I'm the only one who got this, but I thought I'd give everybody the heads up not to open or respond to an e-mail if the subject line is "SAV Upgrade" and the sender is "ITS". I'm sure everyone is well aware of the fact that nobody here at the university will ask you for your user name or password, but just in case there are newcomers, do not e-mail anyone that information. Unless I ask you for your bank account or credit account numbers. Don't be alarmed if you see anything on your statements showing a charge for "The Marcel Marceaucial Club," the world's first and only mime adult phone line.
Cheers,
Dude
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Chiller down! Call 911!
Thanks to the cottonwood explosion, facilities is shutting down the building chiller to clean off all the funk. Because there's nothing worse than a funky chiller. Facilities estimates this should take an hour or so, so the chiller will be back up and running by 12:30.
Friday, June 05, 2009
Softball Beer
Fellow Teammates--
Not only am I going to attend, but I will also supply the beer. However, I don't know if I would be the best person to actually get the beer to the field since I won't get there until about 5:15, and if I had to get my car, come back to the office for the cooler, ice, and beer, and then head to the field I probably wouldn't get there until 5:25-ish. If you guys can wait that long, I'll gladly bring the beer to the field. But if somebody is cool with transporting the beer to the field, I'll bring the beer into work, get it nice and cold in the fridge, and then hand the beer off to the designated cooler lugger. Let me know your preference.
Also, does anybody know any members of Lame Team #1? They walked off with my bat last week, so I'd like to find out where they're playing this week so I can show them what happens when a team walks off with the our magic bat. Basically what happens is that I will grovel and plead with them to give me the bat. If that doesn't work, I will personally tea bag each and every one of those bastards until the bat is mine!
Dude
Not only am I going to attend, but I will also supply the beer. However, I don't know if I would be the best person to actually get the beer to the field since I won't get there until about 5:15, and if I had to get my car, come back to the office for the cooler, ice, and beer, and then head to the field I probably wouldn't get there until 5:25-ish. If you guys can wait that long, I'll gladly bring the beer to the field. But if somebody is cool with transporting the beer to the field, I'll bring the beer into work, get it nice and cold in the fridge, and then hand the beer off to the designated cooler lugger. Let me know your preference.
Also, does anybody know any members of Lame Team #1? They walked off with my bat last week, so I'd like to find out where they're playing this week so I can show them what happens when a team walks off with the our magic bat. Basically what happens is that I will grovel and plead with them to give me the bat. If that doesn't work, I will personally tea bag each and every one of those bastards until the bat is mine!
Dude
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Global Env Wksp
Good morning, y'all--
I was asked to forward this e-mail. The subject line reminded me that I like to think globally but act locally. So in order to take over the world, I have to start by taking over locally. That is why I am brainwashing the ducklings in the pond. Mark my words! I WILL have those ducklings doing my evil bidding! Provided my evil bidding is limited to a small, aquatic area that flightless ducklings would have easy access to. Let my war of terror on the turtles in the pond begin! Those turtles are so going to be my bitches!
Evilly,
Dude
I was asked to forward this e-mail. The subject line reminded me that I like to think globally but act locally. So in order to take over the world, I have to start by taking over locally. That is why I am brainwashing the ducklings in the pond. Mark my words! I WILL have those ducklings doing my evil bidding! Provided my evil bidding is limited to a small, aquatic area that flightless ducklings would have easy access to. Let my war of terror on the turtles in the pond begin! Those turtles are so going to be my bitches!
Evilly,
Dude
Global Env Wksp
In honor of the day after Memorial Day, I am honoring our armed forces the only way I know how: by placing merkins with life-like hair on all of my G.I. Joe dolls and then forwarding this announcement to you. Semper fi, y'all!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Global Env Wksp
Science Entities--
When winter refuses to release its icy hold on the city, I find there's only one way to keep my sanity: I make a tuxedo out of stem cells and then have Rush Limbaugh lick the entire outfit by telling him it's coated with Oxycontin.
I also keep my sanity by forwarding these global workshop e-mails to you.
Cheers,
Dude
When winter refuses to release its icy hold on the city, I find there's only one way to keep my sanity: I make a tuxedo out of stem cells and then have Rush Limbaugh lick the entire outfit by telling him it's coated with Oxycontin.
I also keep my sanity by forwarding these global workshop e-mails to you.
Cheers,
Dude
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Apologies
I would like to apologize for the last e-mail I sent. I have a feeling that some of you may not have appreciated it because the last global wksp e-mail I forwarded to you also had a reference to one of my grandparent's Depends. Such repetition is unacceptable, and I will make it up to you the only way I know how: by giving each and every one of you one of my grandparents' Depends. But then I will foresake Depends humor and will forever abandon such gross humor.
Aw, who am I kidding? Without Depends humor, I am NOTHING!
Dude
Aw, who am I kidding? Without Depends humor, I am NOTHING!
Dude
Global Env. Wksp, Wed. 4:30
Rainy days and Tuesdays always get me down. But so does dreaming about having a chocolate pudding fight with Heidi Klum and waking up elbow-deep in Gramma's Depends.
Hopefully this announcement will chase those rainy blues away. Though quite frankly I'd settle for a towel...
- Dude
Hopefully this announcement will chase those rainy blues away. Though quite frankly I'd settle for a towel...
- Dude
Friday, March 06, 2009
Death Pond 3000
Greetings, Nature Lovers--
Just wanted to let you know that facilities will be coming out, hopefully today, to clean up the victims of the fish holocaust in B Pond. So hopefully the nasty, fish-corpse-induced stank will dissipate soon.
I'll be announcing the start of the departmental fish fry shortly. Who needs federal stimulus money when we can finance our science with our own fund raising efforts. The Departmental fish fry! Where the fish are lightly battered and slightly bloated!
Cheers,
Dude
Just wanted to let you know that facilities will be coming out, hopefully today, to clean up the victims of the fish holocaust in B Pond. So hopefully the nasty, fish-corpse-induced stank will dissipate soon.
I'll be announcing the start of the departmental fish fry shortly. Who needs federal stimulus money when we can finance our science with our own fund raising efforts. The Departmental fish fry! Where the fish are lightly battered and slightly bloated!
Cheers,
Dude
Monday, January 12, 2009
Global Env. Wksp, Wed. 4:30
I love Monday morning. It's a time of new beginnings. A time to feel refreshed while diving into new challenges. And a time to use my sister's favorite ice cream scooper to empty out my grandfather's Depends. It's also time to forward e-mails to you, so enjoy. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to whip up some special chocolate ice cream cones for my stupid sister...
Dude
Dude
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
