Party til you puke, holiday-style

At long last the details have been set for the E&E/OBA/CEB/BSD holiday party, so here's the deal. The party will take place from 7 to 10 p.m. on Wednesday, Dec. 6, in the Stanley Field Hall balcony of the Field Museum.

I'm sure you have many questions about the party, so here are some answers for you...

1. How will I get to the party?

Well, we will have shuttle buses running from the Hull Court Archway on 57th Street to the Field Museum and back again. The first bus leaves at 6:30 p.m., and the second bus will leave at 6:45 p.m. From that point on, buses will leave from the archway every half hour. However, if you would prefer to drive, the Field Museum parking garage will be open. It will cost you $15 to park, however. But fear not. The shuttle bus as well as the party are free.

You should enter the museum at the south main entrance. Museum staff will greet you and direct you to the festivities.

2. What will be served?

On the fluid front, there will be beer, wine, and soda. It hasn't been determined yet, but there may be hard liquor as well. As for food, I've attached a menu.

3. What will there be to do at this here event?

Besides eating, drinking, and being merry, you also will have access to the Evolving Planet exhibit if you feel like checking out that bad boy.

4. What do you have to do to get in on this event?

You do need to RSVP to me by the end of the day this Wednesday, Nov. 22.

5. What will Jeff be wearing to this event?

Just a reminder that Jeff, along with other folks in the department, will be attending the E&E Bulls game outing this night. So if you are going to attend the Bulls game, please do not RSVP for the party. But I will be wearing a blue chiffon evening dress, Ann Taylor shoes, and a sequined Go Bulls nerf glove.

If you have any questions, please let me know.

Time cards due early

Thanksgiving means many things to me. A time to enjoy the company of family. The opportunity to give thanks for the many blessings in my life. And a chance to once again donate a turkey filled with thumbtack stuffing to the the Watkins Home for Blind Hemophiliacs.

But more importantly, it's a time for you to submit your time cards early since time cards will be distributed next Wednesday, Nov. 22. So here's what you have to do:

Speaker is lonely

The speaker's schedule is filled with more holes than Dick Cheney's hunting partner, and only you can help.  I'm still trying to make the schedule look respectable, which is why I need people to meet with him during the following times:
...

Lord knows I don't have much dignity, but don't let me lose any more (that's the job of my mother, who insists on making me shave her back hair whenever I visit her).  I'm begging you--please volunteer to meet with this dude of science.

smoking

There have been complaints that someone has been smoking in the fourth floor hallway. I know I'm not at fault because when I drag winos up there, I douse them with enough flammable substances so they burn clean.

If by some chance you are smoking inside the building, please go outside to light your squares. Because smoking inside is naughty and morally reprehensible. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to round up a few winos...

computer monitor in the basement hall

A computer monitor has been sitting on a fridge in the basement hallway for awhile, staring at me.  Taunting me!  With that stupid, cold, blank stare!  Damn that monitor!  Damn it to hell!

Anyway, just wondering if it's junk and can be thrown away or if somebody was just storing it there for some reason.  

No coffee break May 4

Bad news, caffeine-loving dudes. There will be no coffee break on May 4 because there will be a faculty meeting that afternoon. If this freaks you out too much, I can let all interested parties snort lines of Folger's instant coffee crystals off my desk.

I am so out of here!

Some people relax by going on fishing trips.  Others unwind by taking exotic vacations to Jamaica or Hawaii.  Me, I'm gonna go to Ohio to try to find the birthplace of the Cleveland Steamers.  The origins of this minor league team are murky, but I view this as my quest for the holy grail.  It will be a dirty job, no doubt, and this task has taken the spirits of many strong people and wrecked 'em.  But I don't think this will be a waste of time and I will succeed.

But if I decide that Cleveland in the springtime may be too much fun to bear, then I'll probably go to Florida to visit my mom.  I'll be leaving this Friday, April 21, and I will return to work May 1.  M will be filling in for me while I am gone, so any mailing, Fedexing, UPS or other pertinent information can be brought to her attention.

reimbursement limits

The world is full of restrictions.  For example, I'm restricted from coming within 5 miles of my ex-girlfriend.  And all because the judge refused to believe that I wanted to give that ice pick to her as a GIFT.

But I digress.  I thought I'd remind everybody about the reimbursement limits for folks who take seminar speakers out to eat.  Here is the maximum amount the department reimburses for the following: 

pay advices

Howdy, y'all.   I just thought I'd tell you about a new way of doing things in the Department.  When shaving a yak, always wash the hair before you sprinkle it on your ice cream.

Also, from now on as a protective measure I won't be putting monthly employees' pay advices in their mailboxes.  So you'll have to come to the office starting Friday, March 31, to get your advices.

speaker logistics

So we've got a seminar speaker coming into town in April who will be staying Downtown and wants to come to the University by public transport.  Let's just say that this professor doesn't know the city or transit routes.  Let's also say that he'll be carrying a duffle bag filled with severed heads.  Not large heads.  Perhaps they belong to midgets or something.  The important thing here is not to dwell on the size of the heads.  We need to focus, dammit!  So can anybody suggest the best way for this professor and his bag of smallish heads to get to the University.