Hola, Studerinos--
With all of the horrible weather that's been hitting the Midwest lately, here is a very helpful tip: When you hear a tornado siren, more than likely it would be really easy to loot any nearby store. I like to think that the possibility of getting sucked away in a funnel cloud is worth the risk to steal a Twix and a 40-ouncer.
If the weather doesn't continue to look bleak today, you may want to attend the seminar in the attached announcement.
Pouring out some of my 40 for my fallen tornado victim homies,
Dude
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Please Forward
Buenos dias, lads and lasses--
Here's some notice for a symposium. Since they don't have mud wrestling at this thing, I didn't bother to actually read what it's all about.
Cheers,
Dude
Here's some notice for a symposium. Since they don't have mud wrestling at this thing, I didn't bother to actually read what it's all about.
Cheers,
Dude
Workshop
Greetings, Studes--
Some people are bitter that it's so cold in mid-May, but not me. The cool weather gives me a few more opportunities to wear the special sweater my Aunt Bertha crocheted using live voles, fur that fell out as a result of animals getting chemotherapy, and orangutang areolas. Will I be styling? You better believe it!
You can always warm up by staying inside and attending this workshop on the environment.
Snuggly warm,
Dude
Some people are bitter that it's so cold in mid-May, but not me. The cool weather gives me a few more opportunities to wear the special sweater my Aunt Bertha crocheted using live voles, fur that fell out as a result of animals getting chemotherapy, and orangutang areolas. Will I be styling? You better believe it!
You can always warm up by staying inside and attending this workshop on the environment.
Snuggly warm,
Dude
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
I'm tripping, dudes!
Howdy, everybody--
Now that we are firmly entrenched in Spring, it's time for the inevitable: I will try to prove my theory that all of the foul lines in every professional baseball park are made with dandruff from the cast of "Jersey Shore."
It also means I will be heading to Florida to visit my mother. I will be leaving for Florida next Tuesday, and I will return to work the following Tuesday. So if you have any important business you'd like me to deal with, please let me know by next Monday.
Aloha,
Dude
Now that we are firmly entrenched in Spring, it's time for the inevitable: I will try to prove my theory that all of the foul lines in every professional baseball park are made with dandruff from the cast of "Jersey Shore."
It also means I will be heading to Florida to visit my mother. I will be leaving for Florida next Tuesday, and I will return to work the following Tuesday. So if you have any important business you'd like me to deal with, please let me know by next Monday.
Aloha,
Dude
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Teaching assistantship available
Studes--
Ah, the beginning of Spring. A time when a man's mind turns to thoughts of love. And me, I sure do love slathering myself with walrus fat while listening to a bootleg recording of Ethyl Merman belching "There's No Business Like Show Business." But what I don't love is when rats heed the siren's call of Ethyl Merman's voice and begin to gnaw away at my walrus-fat-encrusted flesh. I guess life is all about the give and take.
To celebrate Spring, perhaps you'll enjoy this TA announcement.
Enjoy,
Dude
Ah, the beginning of Spring. A time when a man's mind turns to thoughts of love. And me, I sure do love slathering myself with walrus fat while listening to a bootleg recording of Ethyl Merman belching "There's No Business Like Show Business." But what I don't love is when rats heed the siren's call of Ethyl Merman's voice and begin to gnaw away at my walrus-fat-encrusted flesh. I guess life is all about the give and take.
To celebrate Spring, perhaps you'll enjoy this TA announcement.
Enjoy,
Dude
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Apply!
What up, homies--
I'm forwarding this e-mail about a job opportunity for a non-profit organization because the people in charge of the non-profit organization have incriminating photos of me dressed as Lady Gaga dancing with the corpse of Bea Arthur. What makes the photo incriminating is that the color of my shoes completely clashes with the veal cutlet dress I'm wearing.
Cheers,
Dude
I'm forwarding this e-mail about a job opportunity for a non-profit organization because the people in charge of the non-profit organization have incriminating photos of me dressed as Lady Gaga dancing with the corpse of Bea Arthur. What makes the photo incriminating is that the color of my shoes completely clashes with the veal cutlet dress I'm wearing.
Cheers,
Dude
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Panel Discussion
Studes--
I know! I know! You're probably thinking, "If Dude is sending us an announcement about a discussion on urban food models, he's probably going to mention eating hobos." That couldn't be more untrue. I'm so focused on coming up with a new recipe for rat chili and crack ho gumbo that I haven't given hobos a second thought.
But if they do mention eating hobos at the panel discussion, please let me know.
Ciao (or I should say chow),
Dude
I know! I know! You're probably thinking, "If Dude is sending us an announcement about a discussion on urban food models, he's probably going to mention eating hobos." That couldn't be more untrue. I'm so focused on coming up with a new recipe for rat chili and crack ho gumbo that I haven't given hobos a second thought.
But if they do mention eating hobos at the panel discussion, please let me know.
Ciao (or I should say chow),
Dude
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Special Lecture Thursday
Greetings, Studes--
I don't know about you, but I find it appalling that now that we're sufficiently dug out from last week's blizzard that people suddenly find it's not okay to eat dead soccer players. People can be so uptight. But not those soccer players.
Since we're dug out from the blizzard, you can attend the lecture detailed in this message.
Bon apetit,
Dude
I don't know about you, but I find it appalling that now that we're sufficiently dug out from last week's blizzard that people suddenly find it's not okay to eat dead soccer players. People can be so uptight. But not those soccer players.
Since we're dug out from the blizzard, you can attend the lecture detailed in this message.
Bon apetit,
Dude
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Workshop
Hey, Studes--
Now that the Bears are out of the Superbowl picture, it's time to start focusing on something just as exciting: the beginning of the National Leper Hockey League season! Like me, I'm sure you're eager to see another face off at center ice.
But if that ain't your cup of tea, you can always go to this workshop instead.
Go Lepers!
Dude
Now that the Bears are out of the Superbowl picture, it's time to start focusing on something just as exciting: the beginning of the National Leper Hockey League season! Like me, I'm sure you're eager to see another face off at center ice.
But if that ain't your cup of tea, you can always go to this workshop instead.
Go Lepers!
Dude
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Workshop
Hey, Studes--
The first snow of the season is poised to hit us today, which can mean only one thing: frozen hobo slushies for everyone! Of course that's only if the flesh doesn't thaw when I dump the bodies in the wood chipper.
Unrelated to snow is the attached announcement for some sort of workshop. The first 20 attendees will get free hobo slushies.
Bon apetit,
Dude
The first snow of the season is poised to hit us today, which can mean only one thing: frozen hobo slushies for everyone! Of course that's only if the flesh doesn't thaw when I dump the bodies in the wood chipper.
Unrelated to snow is the attached announcement for some sort of workshop. The first 20 attendees will get free hobo slushies.
Bon apetit,
Dude
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