In these bleak times, I'm sure we're all sick of hearing about war, gas prices, the bad economy, and the horrifying reality that the guy who played Huggy Bear on "Starsky and Hutch" is not a rich man who would be able to lavish me with money and gifts if I became his concubine. So here's some great news:
After a long dry spell with receiving grants, we have had some recent success. Congratulations to J, C, M, J, and I for all getting new research support! Now if only there were some way to legally use grant money to support concubines...
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Friday, June 06, 2008
Fellowships and dissertation grants
Howdy postdocs and students--
Two things have occurred to me. One is that I think I forgot to take the kittens out of the oven this morning. The other is that you may not know what to do if you are planning on submitting fellowship or dissertation improvement grant applications. We are working on a department handbook that will explain stuff like this, but the handbook may take some time to get out.
So for now I thought I'd let you know briefly what you need to do if you want to apply for a grant or fellowship............................. BLAH BLAH BLAH ........................................... If you have any questions about submitting applications, just let me know.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to search the internet for some recipes for burnt kitten pie.
Dude
Two things have occurred to me. One is that I think I forgot to take the kittens out of the oven this morning. The other is that you may not know what to do if you are planning on submitting fellowship or dissertation improvement grant applications. We are working on a department handbook that will explain stuff like this, but the handbook may take some time to get out.
So for now I thought I'd let you know briefly what you need to do if you want to apply for a grant or fellowship............................. BLAH BLAH BLAH ........................................... If you have any questions about submitting applications, just let me know.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to search the internet for some recipes for burnt kitten pie.
Dude
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Fwd: Wksp, Tomorrow, 4:30!
Students--
I wanted to ask you something. Does this look infected?
Also, do you guys want to keep getting these workshop e-mails? I don't mind forwarding them to you, but I don't want to be sending you e-mails that are as bothersome as an oozing sore on my palm that looks sort of like a stigmata, providing a stigmata looks like a wound created by a very angry gerbil.
Dude
I wanted to ask you something. Does this look infected?
Also, do you guys want to keep getting these workshop e-mails? I don't mind forwarding them to you, but I don't want to be sending you e-mails that are as bothersome as an oozing sore on my palm that looks sort of like a stigmata, providing a stigmata looks like a wound created by a very angry gerbil.
Dude
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Wksp, Friday, noon!]
Howdy, students--
When it's a rainy, gloomy morning, I find the one thing that cheers me up is stringing piano wire neck-high along the jogging path on the lake front. As a wise man once said, when the wire connects, they'll wear their hats on their necks. The other thing that cheers me up is forwarding another workshop announcement. So enjoy the e-mail. And don't go jogging today.
Dude
When it's a rainy, gloomy morning, I find the one thing that cheers me up is stringing piano wire neck-high along the jogging path on the lake front. As a wise man once said, when the wire connects, they'll wear their hats on their necks. The other thing that cheers me up is forwarding another workshop announcement. So enjoy the e-mail. And don't go jogging today.
Dude
Friday, April 25, 2008
Xerox machine
The xerox machine in the basement seems to be periodically making a grinding noise. At first I thought it may have been caused by all of those baby gerbils I stuffed in the toner cartridge. Anyway, don't be alarmed by the horrific noise. The machine is still working, though there are some streaks and smudges that appear on the copies. I have called Xerox to get a repair guy here, but he won't be able to make it until Monday.
Sorry for the inconvenience. And for the squeaking gerbils.
Dude
Sorry for the inconvenience. And for the squeaking gerbils.
Dude
Monday, April 21, 2008
Fwd:Fwd: WKSHP
While I was on vacation, I thought alot about life. I thought that perhaps there is a god who created the universe and who created us in His likeness. Then I drank an entire bottle of rubbing alcohol and realized I was throwing up blood. It was then that I realized that if there were a god who created me in His likeness, then god is a dude who lives in a trailer and suffers from the DTs every morning.
God told me I should forward this e-mail to you. God also told me to buy more rubbing alcohol. Sweeeet!
God told me I should forward this e-mail to you. God also told me to buy more rubbing alcohol. Sweeeet!
Friday, March 14, 2008
Meet the new folks!
Who doesn't love to party? I know I do. Especially if the party involves rubbing alcohol, tainted yogurt, and a few shaved yaks dressed as Las Vegas show girls. We're having trouble rounding up the yaks, but I'm sure folks will still have fun if they attend a wee gathering this afternoon to meet new people in the department. We will be serving tasty fluids and snacks in the L Room today from 3 to 4:30 p.m.
This is going to be an occasional thing--probably once every quarter. Since it seems like we always have folks coming and going, we figured it would be nice to give everyone in the department a chance to meet the new people in our department and make them feel welcome. So please join us in greeting the new blood. And if you have a spare yak sitting around, please bring it with you.
Oh, some new people may be so new that they have not been put on the mailing list. So if you have any new people in your lab, please let them know about today's festivities.
Party on,
Dude
Administrator and Yak Afficianado
This is going to be an occasional thing--probably once every quarter. Since it seems like we always have folks coming and going, we figured it would be nice to give everyone in the department a chance to meet the new people in our department and make them feel welcome. So please join us in greeting the new blood. And if you have a spare yak sitting around, please bring it with you.
Oh, some new people may be so new that they have not been put on the mailing list. So if you have any new people in your lab, please let them know about today's festivities.
Party on,
Dude
Administrator and Yak Afficianado
Monday, March 10, 2008
Gotta get it out
If I wanted to get into the Z Building after 4:30 p.m., what would I do? I would try something subtle like wrapping my dwarf in heavy chains and throwing him through a window. But if you don't have a dwarf or any heavy chains, then you should use your key to enter the south door (the one in the breezeway between Z and E).
Thursday, February 28, 2008
[Fwd: Fwd: Wksp, Thursday, 4:30!]
I bet you're asking yourself, "Hey, when is Dude going to forward another Workshop e-mail to me?" If it's any consolation, the question I'm asking myself is, "How many licks does it take to get to the chewy center of a hobo? I know! I'll ask Mr. Owl! And if he doesn't know the answer, so help me I will bitch slap that dumb beak right off his face!"
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
paying for mail
Greetings, people of science--
So the comptroller's office has been urging all of the departments on campus to make sure costs for grants are allocated correctly (so that we don't get in big trouble if there's ever an audit by one of the funding agencies). The point of this is to make sure that we use grant money to pay only for work associated with a specific grant.
How does this affect you? Well, you can make sure that you accurately charge supplies to the correct grant when you are ordering stuff. But the main reason I'm sending this is to let you know that you should specify what account you would like to use to pay for your postage. If you are dropping off a letter to be mailed, please indicate what account you would like to use to pay for the letter. And when you give D something to be sent via Federal Express or UPS, please let him know what account you want to use.
I suppose I should add something weird here since folks expect zany e-mails from me. But I'm not going to do that. I'm much too mature for that. And Lord Zebox, the invisible dwarf king of the realm of Pillow Pants, has vowed to eat my soul if I try to send any zany e-mails anymore.
All hail Lord Zebox,
Dude
So the comptroller's office has been urging all of the departments on campus to make sure costs for grants are allocated correctly (so that we don't get in big trouble if there's ever an audit by one of the funding agencies). The point of this is to make sure that we use grant money to pay only for work associated with a specific grant.
How does this affect you? Well, you can make sure that you accurately charge supplies to the correct grant when you are ordering stuff. But the main reason I'm sending this is to let you know that you should specify what account you would like to use to pay for your postage. If you are dropping off a letter to be mailed, please indicate what account you would like to use to pay for the letter. And when you give D something to be sent via Federal Express or UPS, please let him know what account you want to use.
I suppose I should add something weird here since folks expect zany e-mails from me. But I'm not going to do that. I'm much too mature for that. And Lord Zebox, the invisible dwarf king of the realm of Pillow Pants, has vowed to eat my soul if I try to send any zany e-mails anymore.
All hail Lord Zebox,
Dude
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