Give me your money

Greetings--

With Christmas just around the corner, I remember all of the times my mother would take angel dust and fill our stockings with fire ants. God, I hated Christmas!

But that doesn't mean everybody should hate Christmas. Which is why I'm starting the collection of money for our cleaning lady and our floor dude. Anywho, please swing by my office if you would like to make the holidays a little more festive for them.

Still scarred from my stocking,

Dude

Ice Machine Scoop

Let's face it. Nothing tastes quite as good as a rat hair snow cone. And since both rodents and the ice machine have been known to hang out in the basement area, it's only natural that folks would want to fuse these two items together. However, somebody has been leaving the ice scoop inside the ice machine. It winds up getting covered with ice, which makes it difficult to find and remove. If folks could leave the ice scoop on top of the ice machine after icing down their tufts of rat fur, all of the users of the machine would appreciate it. Providing you let them taste your rat hair snow cone.

Money

Science lovers--

If you want money for your research and you don't want to get it like I get my spending money--you'd be surprised at how many 80-year-old women are looking for a male gigolo with a Depends fetish--then I'm thinking you might be applying for a ....(administrative stuff)

Please let me know if you have any questions,

Dude

a brief trip

Well, the frost is on the pumpkin, which can mean only one thing. It's time for me to participate in the annual "Trying to Milk Animals that Don't Make Milk Competition" that is run by that weird dude Larry who wears an eye patch even though he doesn't need it. I have the unenviable task of trying to milk a rabid emu this year.
But I digress. I will be off tomorrow and next Monday. So if you need anything urgent, especially if it involves a rabid emu, then please see me today.

Showering you with the milk of emu kindness,

Dude

steam shutdown

We have ourselves a steam leak in the Building, so M. is going to shut down the steam to the building tomorrow morning. The steam should be down from about 8:30 a.m. until 11 a.m. if all goes well. How does this impact you, the dweller in the Building? We will have no hot water and no heat (either from the radiators or the vents). So you may want to wear an extra layer tomorrow. Or, if you are a Star Wars geek, you can cut open the belly of a TaunTaun and crawl inside to stay warm...

storage bin

My storage bin is more than just a container to hold things. My storage bin is my friend, my confidante, and, yes, my lover. If you would like a plastic storage tub, too, come on down to the office and take it. It's free!

Fall Schedule: Workshop on the Global Environment

Dig this groovy workshop. You can have your kids make Nike shoes for a meager wage. Oh, wait. That's a sweatshop. Well, I guess this workshop might be fun, too...

Hello I must be going

Well, autumn is approaching, which can mean only one thing. It's time for me to write the world's first belch opera. I have this totally wicked aria in mind that will require the consumption of at least 6 liters of Mountain Dew. It ain't over until the fat lady burps.

I will be writing my gaseous opera while visiting my mom in Florida. I will be on vacation starting Tuesday, Sept. 15, and I will return to work on Tuesday, Sept. 22. Please let me know if you have anything pressing that needs to be taken care of before I leave.

thanks,

Dude

Ice Machine

Hi, everybody--

It looks like there won't be any snow cone making this morning in the main building. Not only have I run out of my favorite hobo-flavored syrup (I am currently trying to patent the extraction method once the murder charges are no longer pending), but the ice machine in the basement is not working. I think it's simply a matter of the opening where the ice comes out being frozen solid, so I have unplugged the machine to see if it will work once the opening thaws. If that doesn't work, we'll get a repair hobo out to fix the machine. I'll keep you posted...

Building stank

Greetings --

If you smell something funky in the hallways, it's not something burning. Nor is it related to me eating 10 jalepeno cheeseburgers from White Castles (which is in itself a type of burning). It's merely the stench of glue from new tile being installed on the third floor. If the smell is getting to you, you may want to open a window.

Stenchily,

Dude