What's up, home slices? I'll tell you what's up. This random announcement I was asked to distribute to you all. What's also up is my body temperature after I started a nice, warming fire by igniting a pile of hobos. Life is good!
Dude
Friday, January 04, 2008
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
It's all me
Howdy, y'all! Thanks to a combination of scheduled days off and sickness, it looks like nobody else is going to be in the office but me today. So don't panic if you come in the office and don't see anybody there. Just come on down to my office if you need any help.
Since I'm the only one here, do not question my authority! I am the law here! The floggings will continue until morale improves! Actually, since I'm the only one here today, there will be a few times when I'll have to close down the office. I'll be heading out for checks around 9 a.m., so the office will be closed for about 15 minutes. I also have a very important meeting at 10 a.m., so I 'll probably be gone for about 20-25 minutes or so. And at some point in the afternoon I'll have to drop off the mail, so I'll be gone about 15 minutes for that, too. But otherwise I'll be here until at least 5:30 tonight. So party on!
Dude
Since I'm the only one here, do not question my authority! I am the law here! The floggings will continue until morale improves! Actually, since I'm the only one here today, there will be a few times when I'll have to close down the office. I'll be heading out for checks around 9 a.m., so the office will be closed for about 15 minutes. I also have a very important meeting at 10 a.m., so I 'll probably be gone for about 20-25 minutes or so. And at some point in the afternoon I'll have to drop off the mail, so I'll be gone about 15 minutes for that, too. But otherwise I'll be here until at least 5:30 tonight. So party on!
Dude
final call for cleaning folk cash
I'd like to give Cand J their Christmas loot tomorrow, so this is your last chance to donate some cash. So far we have collected $441 for C and $241 for J. We usually give C around $500 each year, so we're pretty close to that goal. If we hit it, I'm going to do my Jerry Lewis impersonation and sing "You'll Never Walk Alone." Then I'm going to be rude and overbearing while making silly noises as a cigarette dangles from my upper lip. Which is pretty much how I act after having a few too many cocktails.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
He gone!
Various and sundry dudes--
If you come by looking for me tomorrow or Friday, Nov. 29-30, you won't find me. Oh, I'll be in my office. I just will be hiding under my desk trying to teach cockroaches how to reenact "Braveheart." Surprisingly, it hasn't been too hard teaching them to use those little swords and shields. It's trying to find horses small enough for them to impale that has me stumped.
Actually, I'll be visiting some family out of state. But I'll be back next Monday.
Adieu,
Dude
If you come by looking for me tomorrow or Friday, Nov. 29-30, you won't find me. Oh, I'll be in my office. I just will be hiding under my desk trying to teach cockroaches how to reenact "Braveheart." Surprisingly, it hasn't been too hard teaching them to use those little swords and shields. It's trying to find horses small enough for them to impale that has me stumped.
Actually, I'll be visiting some family out of state. But I'll be back next Monday.
Adieu,
Dude
Christmas gifts
Hey, everybody,
Well, Christmas is here, which can mean only one thing. It's time for my grandmother to make some fruitcake Depends for my grandfather. The structural integrity of Gram's fruitcake has been shoddy the last few years, though, so that means Gramps will have to go easy on the egg nog and crystal meth this Christmas.
It's also time to start collecting money to give to C, our cleaning lady, and J, the evening floor-cleaning dude. I was thinking of giving them their cards on Friday, Dec. 14. So if you'd like to give some money to make C's and J's holidays a little merrier, please bring your cash to me by the morning of Dec. 14. Remember, it would be much better to give these folks money than my grandmother's fruitcake.
Hohoho,
Dude
Well, Christmas is here, which can mean only one thing. It's time for my grandmother to make some fruitcake Depends for my grandfather. The structural integrity of Gram's fruitcake has been shoddy the last few years, though, so that means Gramps will have to go easy on the egg nog and crystal meth this Christmas.
It's also time to start collecting money to give to C, our cleaning lady, and J, the evening floor-cleaning dude. I was thinking of giving them their cards on Friday, Dec. 14. So if you'd like to give some money to make C's and J's holidays a little merrier, please bring your cash to me by the morning of Dec. 14. Remember, it would be much better to give these folks money than my grandmother's fruitcake.
Hohoho,
Dude
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
coffee pot
It is with great sadness that I must report one of our coffee pots is missing. This pot is more than just a container of coffee to me. It is my friend, confidant, and, yes, lover.
If you have seen the wee silver coffee pot, it would be groovy if you could let Dwight know so that we'll have it for next Monday's post-seminar social.
Stunned and hopeless,
Dude
If you have seen the wee silver coffee pot, it would be groovy if you could let Dwight know so that we'll have it for next Monday's post-seminar social.
Stunned and hopeless,
Dude
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Reimbursement requirement
Howdy, folks--
I just found out something about getting reimbursed for meals. If you take a zombie to lunch, human brains are not reimbursable. Yet oddly enough, entrails are. Go figure.
Actually, the comptroller's office is now requiring people to submit itemized receipts for meals. Usually you get a receipt that lists all the food ordered, and then you'll get just a receipt with the dollar amount if you pay with a credit card. From now on you'd need to turn in both the itemized receipt and the receipt that shows you paid for the meal.
Dude
I just found out something about getting reimbursed for meals. If you take a zombie to lunch, human brains are not reimbursable. Yet oddly enough, entrails are. Go figure.
Actually, the comptroller's office is now requiring people to submit itemized receipts for meals. Usually you get a receipt that lists all the food ordered, and then you'll get just a receipt with the dollar amount if you pay with a credit card. From now on you'd need to turn in both the itemized receipt and the receipt that shows you paid for the meal.
Dude
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
job search lunches
Hey, I have a question. How come you never hear about incestual necrophiliacs?
I have another questions. Has there been enough food for you folks at the faculty search luncheons? Should we be ordering more food for these lunches.
Dude
I have another questions. Has there been enough food for you folks at the faculty search luncheons? Should we be ordering more food for these lunches.
Dude
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Coffee Break
Hey, coffee lovers!
We have a special treat for you today. We will be serving coffee in the hollowed-out carcasses of dead voles.
Actually, there's already coffee and snacks up in the L Room, so if you want to start socializing a bit early, you can head to the room now and begin coffee breaking.
We have a special treat for you today. We will be serving coffee in the hollowed-out carcasses of dead voles.
Actually, there's already coffee and snacks up in the L Room, so if you want to start socializing a bit early, you can head to the room now and begin coffee breaking.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Away I go
What's up, dudes--
Well, October is almost here, which can mean only one thing: it's time for me to harvest the souls of the living in order to feed my dark master. But folks here are in such good shape that I could never catch them, what with me having to lug that huge scythe and all. So I'm going to Florida, where even a walker won't help folks escape the blade honed by the fire and brimstone of the Cloven Hooved One's realm. I'll probably also visit my mom while I'm down there. In Florida, not the Cloven Hooved One's realm.
Which is my subtle way of saying I will be on vacation from Saturday, Oct. 6, until Sunday, Oct. 14. If you have any pressing problems that need to be addressed, please see me as soon as you can next week so I can crank out your task as if I were following the orders of my lord the Sulphurous One.
The Dude
Well, October is almost here, which can mean only one thing: it's time for me to harvest the souls of the living in order to feed my dark master. But folks here are in such good shape that I could never catch them, what with me having to lug that huge scythe and all. So I'm going to Florida, where even a walker won't help folks escape the blade honed by the fire and brimstone of the Cloven Hooved One's realm. I'll probably also visit my mom while I'm down there. In Florida, not the Cloven Hooved One's realm.
Which is my subtle way of saying I will be on vacation from Saturday, Oct. 6, until Sunday, Oct. 14. If you have any pressing problems that need to be addressed, please see me as soon as you can next week so I can crank out your task as if I were following the orders of my lord the Sulphurous One.
The Dude
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