Workshop

Hey, Studes--

The first snow of the season is poised to hit us today, which can mean only one thing: frozen hobo slushies for everyone! Of course that's only if the flesh doesn't thaw when I dump the bodies in the wood chipper.

Unrelated to snow is the attached announcement for some sort of workshop. The first 20 attendees will get free hobo slushies.

Bon apetit,

Dude

Christmas moolah needed

Holiday greetings, y'all--

Boy, can you believe it's almost December? That means one thing: my crazy uncle will probably get arrested again for stealing Salvation Army kettles in order to finance his addiction to platypus-skin ascots.

I guess it also means it's time to collect money to make the holidays a lot more enjoyable for ...

Ho ho ho,

Dude

Workshop

Studes--

Thanksgiving always reminds me of those special things I experienced as a child. The aroma of the turkey cooking in the oven. Getting up to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving parade on TV. And of course the blood. Dear god! So much blood!

To help clear your mind of any such memories, you can attend this workshop the day before Thanksgiving.

Bon apetit,

Dude

Workshop

Studes--

Dang, can you believe that it's almost Thanksgiving? That means I'm really going to have to start preparing for the holiday right now if I'm going to find enough used heroin syringe needles to stuff my turkey. Of course I don't know why I even bother because I'm sure nobody will show up to dinner. Again.

But you can get some pre-holiday excitement going if you attend the workshop detailed in this forwarded e-mail.

Bon Apetit,

Chef Dude