Office closing

Greetings, all--

Since we are like lemurs willing to walk over a cliff into the abyss, we will be following the lead of other departments on campus and will be closing the office today at 2 p.m. in preparation for the Thanksgiving holiday. All university offices are closed tomorrow and Friday for the Thanksgiving holiday.

Everyone enjoy your holiday and give thanks the only way Americans know how, by stuffing our bellies to the point of bursting with the flesh of an ugly bird or an ugly non-flesh bird known as the tofurkey!

Party on,

- Dude

Give me your money

Greetings--

With Christmas just around the corner, I remember all of the times my mother would take angel dust and fill our stockings with fire ants. God, I hated Christmas!

But that doesn't mean everybody should hate Christmas. Which is why I'm starting the collection of money for our cleaning lady and our floor dude. Anywho, please swing by my office if you would like to make the holidays a little more festive for them.

Still scarred from my stocking,

Dude

Ice Machine Scoop

Let's face it. Nothing tastes quite as good as a rat hair snow cone. And since both rodents and the ice machine have been known to hang out in the basement area, it's only natural that folks would want to fuse these two items together. However, somebody has been leaving the ice scoop inside the ice machine. It winds up getting covered with ice, which makes it difficult to find and remove. If folks could leave the ice scoop on top of the ice machine after icing down their tufts of rat fur, all of the users of the machine would appreciate it. Providing you let them taste your rat hair snow cone.

Money

Science lovers--

If you want money for your research and you don't want to get it like I get my spending money--you'd be surprised at how many 80-year-old women are looking for a male gigolo with a Depends fetish--then I'm thinking you might be applying for a ....(administrative stuff)

Please let me know if you have any questions,

Dude